Half Way There

The Wheel

2012-02-11T21:15:00.000-06:00

As if we aren't old enough in this house, R has begun watching the show Wheel Of Fortune. He has even taken to calling it "The Wheel" which in and of itself I believe pushes him into an entirely new category of old.

My middle son, N, comes for dinner once a week and it has become part of the evening to watch "The Wheel" and make fun of the contestants and their ridiculous vowel purchases. However, we still attempt to solve puzzles by hollering out our guesses which we somehow feel are more correct as our volume rises. A few weeks back, he was guessing the final puzzle and based on these letters:

T_ _ _L_NG MY F_NN_ _ _N_

he came up with this gem:

TIDDLING MY FUNNY WINK

...which absolutely cracked us up because he kept yelling it to the TV, waiting to be vindicated when the answer was revealed. Unfortunately, the real answer was:

TICKLING MY FUNNY BONE

which wasn't nearly as funny or creative. But now, whenever I need a laugh, I repeat to myself "Tiddling my funny wink!" and I either smile or laugh internally or even laugh out loud. I know it's stupid, but it's my own personal comedy track.

The Wheel? Seriously? I guess so.

Sole survivor

2012-02-01T20:08:00.001-06:00

I was driving home from work yesterday and saw a lady's spiked-heel shoe lying in the gutter. I only saw one, but that doesn't mean its better half wasn't nearby. Usually though, when I spot a shoe in the street, I only spot one.

Can anyone shed some light on this phenomenon? I'll bet I spot a shoe in the street once or twice a month. I don't spot mittens or hats or scarves or anything else that I think would be easier to lose. I don't spot jackets or purses or billfolds. I don't spot books or thermoses of coffee. I spot shoes. More accurately, shoe.

Who is losing all of these shoes? How does someone lose a shoe and not go back and get it? How does someone lose a shoe at all? I don't believe my shoes have ever fallen off of my feet, especially not a tennis shoe (by and large the greatest majority of my shoe sightings). I have kicked off my shoes, but not normally in a moving vehicle and definitely not out the window of a moving vehicle.

When I see a shoe in the street, I imagine someone in the vehicle got mad and threw the shoe out of the car window. I also thought the shoe could have been left on the top of the car and slid off after a while, but who puts shoes on top of the car?

Anyway, if there is a hidden meaning or signal or even a gang-related reason for shoes to be going solo in the street, I'm too stupid to know it. Please don't tell me if it will freak me out because sometimes ignorance is indeed bliss, but if there is a simple explanation then let me know. Thank you.

While the nails dry....

2012-01-28T08:04:00.002-06:00

I'm meeting a couple of friends later for breakfast, but their breakfast hour is closer to my lunch so I already ate. I also did my nails but figured I could type while the polish hardens. I need a shower and time to get my hair fixed, but I can still manage that because I am the only early riser in the group.

I evolved into being an early riser, although I was never one of those people who could sleep until noon. I found as time went on that my best energy is in the morning and I'm less likely to be interrupted when reading the paper or doing book work. I have also evolved into being an early-to-bedder, where I'm more likely to be interrupted from my beneath my cozy covers by someone calling to visit at the ungodly hour of 9:30. "Did I wake you?" I am often asked. "No," I often lie because the truth is too ridiculous.

I need to get something going exercise-wise in the evenings after work. I am so busy at work that I can go for a couple of hours without leaving my desk, and on more than one occasion I haven't moved until I notice it's time to go to lunch. When I drag myself home after work, it's all I can do to make it to the couch for the rest of the night. I'm sure a little forced activity would be good for me in so many ways, but it's hard when I'm exhausted. I should put R in charge of taking care of that because clearly my own spirit is weak. The flesh is too.

Looks like I need to hit the shower so I can be ready to go IN ANOTHER HOUR AND A HALF! Good lord, how do people waste so much of a morning waiting to eat? I'd have passed out by now. I need to make myself another pot of tea and maybe enjoy a biscotti. Ta!

While the dough rises...

2012-01-22T16:53:00.000-06:00

I have a few minutes while the pizza dough rises. One of our favorite weekend suppers is my homemade pizza which is simple and unadorned but delicious and terrific left over. It's simple which means I can make it with my eyes closed and the ingredients are not extravagant, but it does take a little time for rising and baking so it's not a good weeknight supper.

We thought we'd try to take a walk while the dough rises, but it began to sprinkle and we didn't want to get caught in the rain. I was wearing my new grey suede boots and I definitely didn't want them to get soaked. Maybe after supper.

We're watching one of my favorite movies, "Driving Miss Daisy," although we caught it somewhere in the last half. R is jumping back and forth between the playoff game. It's a good movie to watch while the dough rises because I know it well enough to be able to miss parts. I should probably check the dough soon to see how much it's expanded.

I'm enjoying a moment of mindlessness. I haven't had many of those moments in the past several weeks and it's been frustrating. I depend on a certain amount of mindlessness to recharge my brain. I need mental health breaks and they have been few and far between. My brain is like dough that just keeps rising because no one's punched it down. You would think it's a good thing for dough to rise to its fullest height, but it isn't. It makes it too airy and yeasty and the finished product isn't good.

I guess what I'm saying is....I need a good punching down. I need to deflate, rest, and begin my second rising. Now to go check that dough...

High road

2012-01-16T21:40:00.000-06:00

It's been a tough few days mentally. I had a terrible week last week at work and ended it up with an argument with my boss who is a) wrong; b) stupid; and c) annoying. And then he topped it off by talking about me to his spouse who also works at the university (a friend overheard some of it). So in turn I'm talking about him to the etherworld, secure in the knowledge that the handful of people who read this won't tell.

I'm absolutely not a shirker, but I toyed with calling in sick tomorrow because I was so upset. It wasn't until this evening that I decided that two wrongs don't make a right, and I need to take the high road. I also need to get over it because I have a job to do and this is a very busy time. Basically, I can't be a big baby because it's been my experience when I do act like a baby I end up feeling worse for acting that way. And I don't need to feel worse than I do.

I spent the entire day off today in my home office, mostly working on payroll and reporting returns for a contract client. The invoice for him is going to be staggering because I'm not even finished yet. I had to order more W-2 forms because I was having such a time typing them correctly. I only have one left to do but I ran out of forms because my really outdated software is in a different format than the 2011 W-2 forms and I couldn't seem to get information in the right blanks. It became ridiculous. I did manage to get the payroll tax returns and the 1099's done.

I think I'll head to bed and hope I get some rest. My left shoulder is in a knot and I'm still stressing a little. Gotta chill for sure.

Crime scene redux

2012-01-07T20:39:00.000-06:00

There was another pug nail-clipping incident today, this time with our black female pug. R was trimming her nails before giving her a bath while I was working up in my office. She jerked just as he was cutting and ended up with a really close cut that went deep into the nail. She didn't cry or carry on, but then R noticed she was bleeding and he couldn't get it to stop. He put her in the back yard (we learned from the last time with the fawn pug when we had to scrub down the kitchen) and ground some styptic powder to apply. It didn't help and I tried making some more. By this time there was blood spattered all over our deck. I applied a fresh batch but we just couldn't get enough by shaving it off the styptic pencil. I then remembered a lady at work told me to try flour so I put some in a little spice bowl and plunged her foot into it. We held it there and it immediately improved. It took a while, but that did the trick. Of course flour got on R, on the deck, and on her, but it was better than the blood.

Good lord. R felt terrible and we have what looks like an ugly crime scene to clean up off the deck, but I guess everything and everyone is okay now. After it finally coagulated we wanted her to walk around the yard and clean her feet a little in the grass. We tossed kibble into the grass so she would dawdle out there, and that did the trick. I believe she will now associate nail clipping with food.

She's a ridiculously intelligent yet disobedient animal. She's not maliciously disobedient, she just wasn't put on this earth to please humans like some dogs. I have noticed something about her that I think is incredibly smart. When we have popcorn in the evening, we rarely wash the popper because it's usually after dishes are done. Popcorn is her favorite food, so she is always very excited when we make it. What is interesting though, is that when she hears me begin to wash dishes the day after we have popcorn she comes running into the kitchen. The reason? She knows I'll be washing the popcorn popper and there are often a few stray kernels in the bottom of the pan that I'll toss her way if she is nearby. She never comes when I wash dishes unless I've made popcorn the night before. And if you think she comes when she hears the popper being moved or clink on the counter, think again. She comes in before I even touch the popper. She just remembers that she had popcorn and I haven't washed the popper yet.

I think that's crazy smart.

She has done really well since the fawn pug died, and in fact is getting more exercise and looks better. She is on a diet food now and has lost a little weight I think (it may have been undone today while we fed her kibble in the grass). She isn't penned up with the other dog, so she has the run of the house pretty much. She hasn't been lonely a bit and in fact appears very content. I'm thankful for that.

Okay, I've got some Pinterest pinning to do. I'm into pictures of black and fawn pugs now. Ta!

Seriously stupid

2012-01-04T21:47:00.004-06:00

Without researching it (because I'm certain the blog title must be taken) I have been thinking about creating a blog called "My Boss Is So Stupid" just so I could just post there every day. In fact, I'm pretty sure I could post there two or three times a day but I wouldn't get any work done. And by work, I mean cleaning up his stupid messes.

Today was a major frustration as I cleaned up mistake after mistake, mess after mess. He honestly has no ability to check his own work, but he is always in a hurry to complete a task. He brought in his new iPad today which only served as another distraction. It also provides him with another screen for solitaire or Facebook. He has two monitors on his desk now, so I guess he'll have to come up with a third work avoidance measure.

It's not like I'm lousy with free time lately, so when I have to give 45 minutes to fixing his entry mistakes so the bank reconciliation will run smoothly next month, I get pissed. Then I found out he changed several detail code categories which blew them out of the third party and then the student accounts, creating balance due situations. I told him before that he messes me up when he does this, and then he did it again and professed ignorance of the consequences. I was almost ready to go to his boss and vent today but I thought I might give it a day to see how I feel. I was too annoyed to be very professional about it.

I wish I could say I feel better, but I don't yet. We'll see how tomorrow goes. God he's an idiot.

Happy Night's Sleep!

2012-01-01T08:55:00.001-06:00

We had a wonderfully quiet New Year's Eve because we were both exhausted and decided that going to bed early was the best way to begin 2012. We woke up this morning, rested and refreshed and it really does seem like a new year. It's sad but I can't help it -- I loves me my sleep.

My week off was very busy and I didn't really get to relax like I had intended. I also thought I might paint a closet or something but that didn't happen either. A friend told me her resolution for 2012 is to slow down and when I thought about it I realized that is a perfect resolution for me. I keep thinking I can add to my schedule and my list if I would just work harder and faster, but the truth is I need to slow down and enjoy the journey a little. I've become absolutely horrible at listening and remembering and I believe it's because my mind is racing as I multitask in my brain while people are talking. I need to slow down and listen. It's cheesy, but I need to be in the moment.

After a lifetime of distracted listening, that should be a real challenge for me. I need to take baby steps and force myself to tune in throughout the day so I can have several small successes along with the inevitable failures.

My husband talks a lot, and in fact is known for his gift of gab. If I actually listened to him all of the time, I would get nothing else done. He thinks out loud (which can drive me crazy sometimes) so I have learned over the years to tune him out. The problem is I don't always know when to tune back in, and he is always telling me he told me something and I would swear he didn't. I don't think I can get him to talk less, so I guess I'm just going to have to figure this one out. (He's talking right now, and is interrupting my train of thought.....this could be harder than it looks!)

I had a manicure on Wednesday and I just took off the polish this morning. My soft nails don't hold polish for long, but I gave myself a manicure and put on new polish. They look nice. I think I'll resolve to take better care of my hands and skin because the manicurist made them look so good. I watched her when she lotioned me up, and realized I use WAY too little lotion when I do remember to use it. Normally, if I can't work it in with a few rubs I don't want it, but she took her time and worked probably four times the amount that I use in and it made such a difference. Again, my eagerness to complete a task has caused me to perform at a less than optimal level. Slow down!

I need to clean up and get dressed now. I will put on lots of lotion and begin my new year in good shape. Yay me!

Holiday

2011-12-25T21:03:00.000-06:00

We had a quiet and restful Christmas day together; wrapping, cleaning, cooking. We will host the kids tomorrow so today was just for us and it was nice. We took off and went to a movie this afternoon and then grilled steaks for supper. I just finished a chai tea and a hot bath and am drowsy but comfortable. Tomorrow we'll get up early and I'll start a pan of cinnamon rolls to go with the breakfast casserole and other brunch foods. Then the kids will begin to arrive.

When the kids were little, Christmas was hectic and exhausting. It was fun but we were all pretty spent by the end of the day. We would wake up early, open gifts, then off to each grandparents and often a great grandmother's house. Usually at least one kid was sick with something. There was food all day but the kids weren't usually into eating. It was all about the presents and playing. By the time we returned home, we were all tired and needing a bath because we all smelled like smoke. We'd get the kids to bed and we'd collapse. It was a great time, but I've gotta say I'm not minding our quiet Christmases either.

I guess that's the evolution of a family, and I'm finding it's okay. I'm happy my kids are having their own times and doing their own things. I like that we're finding new paths for ourselves too. On the way home from the movie we noticed the bowling alley was open and thought we'd try that next year. We probably won't, or at the very least we won't remember to, but it was fun to toss it out there.

That's it for now. Merry Christmas!

Cookie baker

2011-12-18T21:24:00.000-06:00

I got some cookies made this weekend, which makes me feel accomplished. I made some almond biscotti which is my new favorite cookie, some coffee house cookies (Google it and copy the recipe from "splitcoaststampers"), and some pfefferneusse. I got a little lazy with the peppernuts and didn't separate them on the pan like I should have, so they clumped up a little. I broke them apart after they cooled. Not pretty but still good. I also was out of the dark corn syrup the recipe called for, so I used light corn syrup and molasses. The flavor was richer, kind of like a ginger snap.

I made a pot of chicken noodle soup today too, because we are expecting snow and ice in the next day or two. I finished addressing our Christmas cards and now all I have to do is write notes in them. I finished laundry and all but a little bit of our shopping. I caught up bookwork (mostly) and bagged up some old clothes for Goodwill. I didn't really clean anything but I guess that will wait a week.

We have our holiday open house for our building at work tomorrow, hence the biscotti. I also have an eye doctor appointment which I made because I have to raise up my glasses and look through the very bottom of my lenses to see anymore. I still like my frames, so if I only get new lenses I should get off cheap. Of course, it would have been cheaper if I had remembered to do this before my deductible rolled on November 1, but whatever. I have a haircut scheduled for Friday which means I'll be a new woman when 2012 begins.

You know what I've been thinking I'd like to try? Jane Fonda has a new exercise video out for more mature audiences and I think it would be helpful in keeping me stretched and limber. I used to do her videos years ago when they first came out, and I liked them. Can't say I really like Jane Fonda that much, but she does okay on her exercise videos. Or at least she used to.

Exercise is becoming important, especially when I spend a day baking cookies. Last week was a dieter's nightmare, and it doesn't look to get any better any time soon. I hate exercise, but my joints are aching so I'm thinking I need to keep them stretched before I lose any more flexibility. Of course, eating fewer cookies and not spending the evenings lying on the couch wouldn't hurt either.

I'm pooping out and I think crawling into a warm bed sounds good. G'nite!

Napquest

2011-12-12T19:05:00.001-06:00

I just made up that word when I titled this post. My new destination in life? Napquest. To seek the time, place, and opportunity for a nap. Nothing better.

I went shopping out of town with friends on Friday, and got back home in mid-afternoon. Then I took a nap. It was awesome! Saturday and Sunday, I managed to squeeze in a nap in the afternoon. Why the heck haven't I been doing that more often? It made such a difference to how I felt the rest of the day, and the truth is I think it helped me to sleep better at night.

During the week, it's impossible to nap in the afternoon. It's uncivilized I tell you, to deny employees the opportunity to indulge in a practice that has been proven to make them better workers, more alert, more productive, and healthier. Maybe I should pursue the "healthier" concept with legal counsel. Can my doctor write a prescription?

Anyway, tonight I'm bushed and unable to get off the couch because there was no nap today. I was very busy at work without stopping to breathe or blink, much less nap. Tomorrow I'm away from the office again which means Wednesday I'll be swamped and behind. I hereby volunteer to be a one-woman scientific study on the benefits and effects of mid-afternoon naps. Too bad for you -- I called it first.

He's free

2011-12-04T07:48:00.001-06:00

We got through having our pug put to sleep, and are doing okay. We're feeling a little guilty about how much easier it is to get around our house now and accomplish little tasks, but it is helping with the transition. We no longer have to step over gates and check on him frequently because we hear him circling and being restless. Our other pug is free to roam the house for the first time in who knows how long because she was penned up along with him to help keep him soothed. This morning I was up early and told her to "Go get Dad up!" and she did, just like she used to when she was young! I'll bet she hasn't done that in 4 or 5 years.

We didn't know how well she would sleep without her companion, but she's been fine. We think it helped her to see the body before it was taken away. The vet took him and returned a velvet bag with his ashes on Friday. We will scatter them today, and he'll be free too.

We're getting some shopping done and cleaning house a little because today is our first opportunity to do anything. I should bake something but I don't know what. I went through Christmas bags and the shopping is in pretty good shape with just a few people to figure out. I'm off next Friday and will go to some little shops with a couple of work friends -- should be fun.

I'm getting back to performing my own duties at work and it is such a relief to tackle projects I actually know how to do. I was meeting with a student and his father (or grandfather maybe) last week and providing them information on something when the director came in and used the fax machine next to my desk. He overheard what I was explaining to them and when they left the director complimented me on my explanation and how well I worked with them. He RARELY gives compliments -- he's rather dry and sarcastic most of the time -- so I felt good.

I've got laundry to check and more vacuuming to do. Plus I didn't get a shower yesterday so I'm overdue. Wow! Seize the day huh?

Pug sadness

2011-11-26T09:40:00.001-06:00

After many months of waiting, discussing, and concern, we made the sad decision last week that it is time to have our sweet, beautiful pug put to sleep. I could use the word euthanized, but it sounds too harsh, and our plan and our hope is that he will go to sleep and awaken happy and whole in pug heaven.

A veterinarian who makes house calls will come next week so our sweet animal won't have to take a stressful car ride. R will close the shop for a little while and come home to meet him. I'll stay at work because I'm not sure how I would be able to come home for lunch and then return to work afterwards. I found an old afghan I crocheted and we'll wrap him in it to keep him warm and comfortable. When it's over, the vet will take the pug to be cremated, and when we have the ashes we'll scatter them in a circular pattern in the back yard in the same way our little guy has wandered the yard for the past couple of years. That way he'll always be here in the only home he's known since he was a puppy.

The second part of the plan is to allow our other pug to see him after he's passed so she'll know what happened. We don't want her to wonder where he is and we've heard that animals make an easier peace with death when they know it happened.

This morning we awoke to a cold rain, and it made us feel better about our decision. He hates rain and snow and always has, so imagine how hard it is on him when he has to go outside and circle around in the mud and snow trying to find a spot to do his business. He gets very cold and wet and I'm sure it doesn't help his arthritis. And he's always been incredibly slow and deliberate when attempting to "find his spot" so it exacerbates the situation when the weather is bad.

So that's where we are. I hope we're making the best decision for him, and our goal for the next few days is to make him feel happy and loved. Then I hope when it's over we will feel we did the right thing.

Happy us

2011-11-23T12:53:00.001-06:00

We had our kids and their families in on Sunday for an early Thanksgiving. It was wonderful and the food was delish. I had a great time but was pretty bushed after they left. We'll host R's family on Friday for a soup dinner, so the prep won't be so hard. After we set the day to get together, I checked the calendar and discovered it is the same day as our 34th anniversary. That's what I get for getting married around a holiday!

I did schedule an extra day off this week (which I am enjoying right now) and am doing a little vegging out. I've been catching up on a few errands and cleaning and am laundering all of the bedding in the guest room--comforter, shams and all. Don't know why, just am.

We'll be at my brother's house on Saturday to have my family's Thanksgiving. I need to make cinnamon rolls for that. Honestly, is there a better week for food?

We will quietly celebrate our anniversary sometime soon. We are calling the concert we went to a few weeks ago our "anniversary gift" to one another. Since I rarely give R anniversary gifts, I'm ahead of the game. At any rate, it is just crazy to think that we've been married for 34 years. Add another three onto that and that is how long we've been together. Good grief that's a long time!

I always say I could never marry anyone else because I just got this one broken in. The real truth is there is no one else who would put up with me. We've evolved into a pair of puzzle pieces that fit together very well. I have my strengths and he has his and the good news is that between us we've got most things covered. Lucky me. Happy us.

More normal

2011-11-18T18:56:00.001-06:00

My life is returning to normal and I am feeling so much better. I actually goofed off a little at work this afternoon, which I haven't done in ages. Apparently, the occasional levity is important to a person's mental health.

I've done some prep work towards having the kids here for an early Thanksgiving on Sunday. My cranberry bread is in the oven, and other make-ahead stuff is prepared and either frozen or sealed. Tonight I have bookwork to do. I wish it was already done but it will feel so good when it is. Next week I will work two days and then be off for five. I don't have a really full holiday schedule so it will feel almost like a vacation.

Kids start arriving tomorrow and everyone will be here on Sunday. Lots of food and fun.

My eyes are trying to close as I type here. I think maybe a quick nap before I go up to the office is in order. Take five!

Weekend

2011-11-13T18:12:00.001-06:00

We went to an awesome Greg Brown and Iris DeMent concert this week and had a good time. Greg Brown's voice has become so deep it's sub-seismic, and his songs are poetry set to music. Iris is funny and plain-spoken and her current version of "Our Town" is the best I've heard. I wish we were cool enough to be their friends and hang out with them. Of course, as you already know, we are not.

I made some biscotti today that is chock-full of almonds (4 cups). It has a hint of anise and a bit of amaretto in it. Oh....my....god. My new favorite treat. I plan on making some hot chocolate later just to have some hot liquid to dip one into.

We made up our T-giving menu yesterday and R shopped today while I was busy flour-dusting the kitchen while making the biscotti. The mess I made was ridiculous, but I swept it up. You're welcome.

I'm still doing laundry so we can start the week in clean clothes. I also have to make up our bed. I swept and dusted (most of) the house this weekend which in its own sad way makes me feel happy. R worked in the yard and cut back our peonies. We cleaned up our little patio and gated it off for the blind pug. His world is growing smaller by the day I'm afraid. I'm worried about him this winter. We started gating him in a small space at the end of our kitchen which confines his mess to an area that is easier to clean. Unfortunately, his care has become mostly about managing the messes. Makes me sad.

Guess that's about it. Work is going better and I think I'll be done with the training by the end of this month. The upside is I have a new appreciation for what I do and am looking forward to getting back to doing it. Now I need to finish laundry so I can call it a weekend and gear up for the new week. Ta!

Calm down you fool

2011-11-06T21:26:00.001-06:00

How in the HECK did it get to be November? We'll be doing our family Thanksgiving in two weeks, and we've started doing some Christmas shopping so we're not overwhelmed at the end, but I'm already feeling a little overwhelmed. Calm down you fool.

We had such a nice event today when our kids put together a photo shoot with the whole family. I had no idea how beautiful and special it would be to see everyone together, arranged in an aesthetically pleasing manner, lit appropriately, coordinated but not matching. The baby even had the good sense to arrive early so she could be in the photos or they would forever be "those pictures we had taken right before she was born." They would just be incomplete.

This is just dumb, but on the way home I was thinking of all of us getting photographed (seven adults and five children) and the Kardashian-Jenner family popped into my mind. Ridiculous. I know they have more elaborate photo shoots than ours, and that made me wonder if it could ever feel normal to have everyone over-dressed with too much makeup while trying to capture a family's moment in time. Would that kind of family photo lend itself to sitting on a shelf or being tucked in an album? Wouldn't it feel like it was less for the family members than for those people, who for whatever reason, wanted to look at their pictures? I think family photos should first and foremost touch the family and mean something to them.

I made a yummy chicken, white bean, and orzo soup this weekend. Found the recipe in my Cooking Light magazine. There are enough leftovers for a few more bowls which is hands down the best reason to make a pot of soup.

We gained an hour today and I'm ready to go to bed. It feels really late to my body and brain. I need to get geared up for work again, and get back on track. I'm on about day ten of a nasty canker sore and it's wearing me out. I wake up sometimes because I can't get comfortable. I want to lay on that side but it hurts. I can't close my mouth all the way so my throat dries out. Last night I gargled with salt water and I think that helped.

Too tired to continue. I'm going to bed.

Guess so

2011-10-30T07:43:00.001-05:00

I'm getting ready to be gone for a few days to help with the new baby at my son's house. I'm fortunate I can get away from work but even more fortunate they want me to come. It's not always comfortable for daughters-in-law to invite their mothers-in-law to help, but my daughter-in-law is a real treasure and I don't think she minds my company.

I cooked yesterday so I'm not going empty-handed, and I'll bring along a couple of bags of frozen bierocks and some Chex mix (my "summer blend" recipe). I also have a tote bag full of little fleece blankies ready for their crocheted borders on the off chance I have some free time. We made up some Halloween treat baskets for the grandkids that we'll deliver today too. Lots of things crossed off our list this weekend!

I saw an ad in the paper this morning for a position with the state Board of Regents. I thought I'd take a look at it but when I saw it I thought it would be perfect for my boss! I hope he sees it and submits an application, then I can try for his position. Ha!

Truthfully, right now I would be happy just to get back to doing only my own job so I don't feel so stretched and worn. The new person is catching on quickly so it's going as well as we could hope. She confided in me last week that her mother is ill, which could create problems with leave time since she is so new to the position. She said she would assess the situation a little more after a trip to see her, and then she would tell her boss (the director). She must be really stressed to have that on her mind in addition to learning a new position! What the heck am I whining about, huh?

I have a day off scheduled in December that I'm going to shop with some friends from work. It should be a blast and we'll go to a couple of out-of-the way shops that they know about. I've been to one of them and it is my new favorite kitchen store, probably of all time. We went there when we took our weekend away a few weeks ago, and I need to go again just so I can get a better look. I swear I didn't see a quarter of what they have to offer. The place is literally floor to ceiling packed with gadgets and anything kitchen related. And their collection of Fiesta Ware actually made my heart skip a beat. I was wowed.

I need to tackle some more laundry and start packing. Guess I'd better get to it, huh? Guess so.

Life's a journey....

2011-10-19T18:52:00.003-05:00

....and sometimes you need a map. Or "Life is a journey--stay warm, keep dry."

At least that's what my coat has been trying to tell me. I can't remember when I bought it, but I think this may be the third winter I've had it. Yesterday when I put it on, I put my hand in my pocket and felt a tag of some sort sewn to the inside of my pocket. I thought that was a weird place for a garment tag, so I looked in the pocket and on it was written, in a beautiful coincidence, that "life is a journey, stay warm, keep dry." I'm all about staying warm and dry, so it was definitely speaking to me.

Our journey this week was to welcome our newest grandchild to the world. She is a wonderful, petite little girl that was named for different family members but also shares the name of my very first doll. I still have that doll, who I think now needs a new dress and some attention so she can become the keepsake of her namesake. That's quite a journey, isn't it?

I also celebrated number 54 last week, and my husband, in his manner of saying the wrong thing in an endearing way, told me I didn't look a day over 51. He truly meant it as a compliment so I will accept it as one. That journey is easy, and it's made easier with him along for the trip.

This week the replacement for the accountant in the other office arrived and she is nice. I think I'm going to like her, and I think she is smart and will catch on quickly. That particular journey isn't over, but it will be. I also got one of the big accounts reconciled today. THAT was gratifying!!

We had our grandson (brother of the new baby) here last Saturday night when plans fell through for our dominoes game. I'm glad we kept him because his folks had a chance to rest up before the delivery on Monday. We were picking up another couple to go to dinner, and as we were driving there he asked me what color their house was. I told him it was a grayish-green which, looking back, is a ridiculously specific answer to give to a three-year-old. He thought about what I said, and then he told me, "It's probably white."

I couldn't have predicted that response, and that is the best part of the journey. The funny surprises and anecdotes along the way. I'm a lucky traveler.

Flexible

2011-10-16T20:14:00.002-05:00

We had a very busy weekend, and were probably over scheduled, but it ended up different than we planned with flexibility the key. On Saturday I was up early having breakfast with my mother and sister, then we had a birthday party for a friend's grandson late morning. A home football game, then a wedding and reception, ending with a night of dominoes. Good grief!

All went pretty well according to schedule until the dominoes hostess called and told us her husband was sick with the pukin' flu. Then the other couple for dominoes called to see if we wanted to go to dinner since the game was canceled. Sounds good. We went to the birthday party for about an hour, dropping off a gift and grabbing a burger. R was planning on going to the game with our son and grandson, and they left around 12:30. The 3-year-old grandson made it through the first half, so I met them at the campus to take him home with me. He got to play with toys and the big boys got to watch other big boys play ball.

After they got home and I found out that my daughter-in-law was having some contractions and the doctor told her on Friday that the baby could arrive within the week. Since we didn't have dominoes we offered to keep the 3-year-old overnight so his folks could rest up. My son left, we went to the wedding reception (it was in a barn -- really cool!), then picked up our friends for dinner out. Our grandson entertained us all with his chatter and we had a good evening. But man were we pooped when we got home!

Today we took the grandson home, then stopped in a nearby town to check out a fabric store that had fleece on sale. Most of it wasn't very good fleece (the printing on it was fuzzy and not of great quality) but we found a couple of cute pieces. I also found a straight edge long enough for my cutting mat. I'm turning into a pro here. Then we got home and R went to the grocery store, I worked on a contract job in my office. We also managed laundry and a little bit of straightening up.

So why the heck aren't weekends three days long? Two days is just primitive. I have too much going on in my life to catch it all up in 48 hours, and you would think the good people at the university would recognize that.

Relax you idiot!

2011-10-08T05:33:00.000-05:00

It's been a long week at work, and I have a long weekend that I am supposed to use to unwind and recharge. I had a breakthrough in the most major of my major reconciliations at work, and was thinking I'm good to go with a little less of that burden on my shoulders.......

..... but.....

..... then I decided to take a closer look at something and it kind of blew my breakthrough out of the water. Which means I am no closer to finishing the major reconciliation, my shoulders are again burdened, and I'm doing accounting in my head and in my sleep which is no help to anyone whatsoever. I decided to get out of bed and start laundry and now I'm typing in order to clear the stress a little. We will leave later this morning for a brief weekend away and I fully intend to enjoy it. I may have to get plastered in order to fully enjoy it, but so be it. If a restaurant offers liquor on its lunch menu, who am I to argue? It's clear that they know more than I do.

Let's focus on the cool here. I've been making baby blankets from cute, colorful fleece and crocheting a border around each one. We've had a little baby population explosion in our extended families, and this allows me to give something I can make easily and inexpensively. I started these from a pattern but now I'm modifying and making up the borders to fit the baby, the fleece, or my whim. I also whip up a little matching fleece hat because I can and because it takes exactly ten minutes to do so. And seven of those minutes are spent loading a bobbin with the correct color thread.

One of the fun things about my blankets is finding cute fleece and cute yarn to match. I don't necessarily look for "baby" fabric which is too cutesy for me. I made one this summer in a fabric with lizards on it, and the yarn I found was a sweet hombre that was actually sock yarn. It had the greens, blues, deep reds, etc., of the lizard fabric which was amazing. It's got to be one of my favorites. In fact, I need to make one to have here for grandkids. I just finished one in a multi-colored puzzle piece pattern with a bold yellow border. Because the puzzle piece pattern is so graphic, I took the frill out of the border and made it more streamlined and geometric. It totally works.

I also make little versions of my blankets (I call them "blankies") from leftover scraps. My daughter insists they are the best size. They tuck easily in a diaper bag, cover a baby in a car seat without too much excess blanket, are the perfect snuggling size for little hands, can be used as a changing pad, and later convert to a doll blanket when the child is older. Or maybe a tarp for GI Joe if you're gender-biased.

Originally I was having to poke all of the holes in the fleece by hand (the ones I crochet into along the edges), but a friend found me a rotary tool that cuts evenly spaced, tiny holes with ease. It's made the job so much easier, but I have to be careful with the razor sharp tool and make sure I take my time and make holes exactly where I want them. And don't wander off the special cutting mat or I'll ruin my dining room table.

Okay, I feel better now. I got out of my head a little there, and that's a good thing. Now I'd like some breakfast and a chance to read the paper, so off I go.

I make me sick!

2011-09-29T20:32:00.001-05:00

Literally. I'm making myself sick. I am a huge stress internalizer, and it's affected my sleep, my digestion, and possibly the long-dormant chicken pox virus in my nervous system. Probably not, but possibly.

When I couldn't sleep last night, I decided the red, bumpy, itchy, burning rash that appeared on my right hand yesterday was shingles. And that would make perfect sense and be par for my particular course except that it's pretty much gone tonight so I guess it's not.

I've also had an occasional lump in my throat but I'm guessing it's because I'm clenching my jaw. I'll probably break a tooth next. I'm a person that bruises easily and I always have, but I had a couple little purple bruises appear on my hand and I have no idea why. Almost like I got poked with a pen. Add to that sleeping problems, dizziness, headaches, shoulder pain, carpal tunnel elbow(?) and hot flashes, and I'm just a delight right now.

In a little over a week we'll be staying in a nice hotel, shopping in the plaza, strolling through the art museum, and I'll recharge. We interviewed for the replacement for the position that I'm covering now, and had a couple of really excellent candidates. I expect a job offer will be extended to one of them any day so the end is in sight for me (after training the new person of course).

We haven't been good walkers this week because our walking buddy is out of town and yesterday R hurt his ankle running. I can't imagine what it must be like to have real pain, not psychologically induced or self-inflicted. It's really more efficient my way.

And in the good plan gone wrong category.....

2011-09-21T19:32:00.002-05:00

Saturday, because we had it on our to do list, we decided to tackle the bathroom faucet with very little water pressure. It seemed like a good day to do it, although in the back of our minds we were thinking about the fact that we were hosting dominoes at 6:30 and we crossed our fingers that we could get it done and get the rest of our hosting duties accomplished beforehand. And of course, because nothing goes as planned, especially plumbing, it didn't quite work out that way.

We began in the morning. We called my mom fairly early and asked her if she wanted to go with us to a quick lunch She did. In the meantime, I was working in the upstairs office while R was taking the supply lines to the faucet off in order to check for calcium deposits that form at the openings. He found some fairly clogged lines, and cleaned them out. The faucet then ran better, but still not well.

He decided to take off the faucet and when he took it off, he found he needed to replace washers and supply lines. He made a trip to the hardware store and got replacement parts. Our neighbor had rented a machine that slices through the ground and offered to let us use it. Unfortunately R had a sink apart and needed to pick up dog doo before the machine could slice the yard, and it was time to pick up my mom for lunch. We shuffled plans and I had lunch with her while he stuck to the task(s) at hand.

When I got home from lunch, the yard was sliced (courtesy of our neighbor who did it for us after the poop was scooped) but the sink was devolving into a mess. The parts he got were installed, but the dumb thing leaked all over after it was reassembled and the old, corroded shut off valves were not working. Curse this 80-year old house and it's aged infrastructure!

We reviewed, assembled and re-assembled and still no luck. The afternoon was getting away from us, I had cooking and cleaning to do, and the air was blue with swear words. We called the time-of-death on that dumb project around 3:00 and got busy doing what we needed to do to get ready. Then we told our guests they could use the toilet but had to wash up in the kitchen. Or the bathtub. And liquor made it seem like fun.

Sunday we hit the hardware store early, bought more parts, and ended up replacing the faucet, supply lines, and shut off valves. We didn't finish until mid-afternoon, which means we had to cram the rest of our weekend chores into the few remaining hours of daylight. Our beautifully sliced yard didn't get seeded, laundry didn't get done, and R's bookwork was left for another day.

But I smile every time I turn on my new faucet and the water comes out in reasonable volume. Of course now I'm noticing the toilet is slow...

Knotted

2011-09-21T19:04:00.001-05:00

My shoulder was tight when I got home from work late last night, and R said he'd never felt such a knot. He has good masseuse hands, and he does a good job taking the kinks and knots out of my back and shoulders so he knows whereof he speaks. I'm still working on the bank rec for the university, so that's why I'm tangled up. Today I asked the finance director if a $340K difference was small enough to write off. He said, "Uh....no," so I'm back to figuring it out, line by line.

I wish I had time for a physical outlet to my stress. More accurately I wish I had time to relax because that's how I generally relieve tension. My daughter just completed her first triathlon, and enjoyed it so much! She made a resolution to compete in one, trained for several months, and followed through. I envy her her enthusiasm, but my long term goal is to get more rest and find time to putter. I'm seriously short on putter time.

I keep telling myself to hang in there until November, and things will begin to turn around. I can do that, right? Then I'm heading towards a luxury hotel with free happy hour drinks and a large bathtub. I might even order in a movie.

I"m typing this on my new laptop. I had to replace my old one that bought the ethernet farm, so I didn't waste any time. I probably could have figured out what was going on with the old one (couldn't get online) but after working long days at a computer, I didn't want to spin my wheels on a non-working one at home. True to form, this one cost just a little over half of what I paid for my last one. Eventually, I will purchase a computer for a nickel.

I also felt I deserved a new computer. I've been feeling that way a lot lately, which is not only ridiculous but it's expensive. I need to change my attitude on that, but not until I enjoy my luxury hotel overnight.

Perspective

2011-09-11T20:11:00.001-05:00

Today was hard for me. On the 10th anniversary of the terrorist attacks, my mind returned to that horrible day with unwelcome clarity. I remember when the first plane hit, I was listening to NPR while eating breakfast and I heard the words "plane" and "World Trade Center" and I went into the kitchen to better hear the radio. I was sure I misunderstood because the two don't go together. When they said it again, I was trying to figure it out and to picture it, assuming it was a small plane like the one that hit the Empire State Building several years ago. I turned on the television to the Today Show and the reporters were looking puzzled and talking about it. There was footage of the north tower burning, and I was stunned. It was a bigger crash than I had anticipated, and they said it had been an airliner that hit it. I was trying to figure it out (did the pilot have a heart attack? engine trouble? struck by lightning?) when I watched the second plane hit. It was beyond belief. I remember Katie Couric, who was as perplexed as the rest of the world, wondering aloud if there were problems with air traffic control. I was frozen with fear and concern.

I left for work out because I didn't know what else to do, and was listening to the coverage on NPR again (we had no TV there and only a dial-up internet connection). The anchor was interviewing someone from the Pentagon as the world was trying to put the pieces together, and the guy being interviewed began to act concerned. The anchor said he was getting word of a fire at the Pentagon and the interviewee said he was just told that something happened and he should probably go. Within minutes it was confirmed that it was another plane that hit the building.

I couldn't breathe. I listened to the rest of the day unfold, and it was beyond my capacity to understand when Flight 93 went down and the towers fell. The NPR anchor said "the South Tower has fallen...it is gone" and I had no idea what that meant. How can it fall? How can it be gone? It made absolutely no sense. The whole day made no sense. My world, the Entire World, became incomprehensible.

All of that despair and fear and confusion came back to me today. When I experienced it ten years ago, it lasted for days and weeks. I needed touchstones of normalcy to feel better, to return to my life. I was grateful when the regular television programming finally returned, when people began to shop and eat out and have faces that did not look concerned or fearful or confused. Saturday Night Live will never know what it meant to me to demonstrate it was okay to laugh.

Today I read an article about a female fighter pilot who was on duty when word was received that Flight 93 was highjacked and heading to Washington. She and another pilot were ordered to intercept the plane and take it down. At that time, no jets were sitting around, armed and ready for such an emergency, so her task was to take it down by crashing into it. She and the other pilot spoke briefly, he said he'd take the cockpit and she said she would take the tail. They had to make sure they brought it down and didn't just wing it, which might allow it to glide to it's target. They took off, and she was ready to get to work, do her job.....and kill herself. And in doing so, out of an incomprehensible necessity, she knew it would kill hundreds of innocent passengers in the process.

How does anyone become so brave and so strong? Most of us who have been lucky enough to become parents would give up our lives for our children, but here was a woman who would do it for complete strangers. As it turned out, she didn't have to crash into the passenger plane because there were already brave and strong people aboard. I cannot even wrap my thoughts around that. I feel so small.

So that's my perspective. I need to get out of my own head and look at a bigger picture. Whether it's work, or family, or politics, or the world. I need to be better because there are people with so much more to deal with than my little issues. There are people who are so strong and brave and conscientious, that I need to be worthy of living among them. I also need to be grateful for being here when so many others are no longer with us.

Perfect storm

2011-09-10T01:53:00.000-05:00

My work world right now is a disaster. I am trying to do my own work at the busiest time of the year, which would normally keep me working long days. I am trying to do the work of another person who left during the most difficult month of reconciliations. I am training myself because there is no one else to do it, and when I am unsure and have questions it never fails that the person I need to visit with is unavailable. Like on maternity leave. Or retired. And just when I thought my head was going to explode, the bank decided to switch things up and change the formatting of the information I need to reconcile the accounts, creating a 158 page bank statement for me to slog through and reconcile against 13,000 lines of data in our system, again during the most difficult month of reconciliations. And that's just one account.

I am a wreck. I'm conscientious enough to be giving it my best and worrying about the outcome, and yet I feel as if I'm failing because there is almost no other option. I have the skills but do not have the information I need to complete anything I've been given to do. I don't see how this is going to end any way but badly.

I was off on Tuesday on a vacation day that I had scheduled a long time before the perfect storm hit. I went to the grocery store and the pharmacy and was giddy with the simplicity of those tasks. I could DO those things and I could COMPLETE them and have a sense of accomplishment. It was wonderful. Back at work Wednesday I was smacked down again with too much work and too many interruptions, and that sense of well-being was washed away by the perfect storm.

I'm telling myself that I will get through it and then I'll look back and wonder how I managed. God I hope so. I'm on the search committee for the replacement for the position I'm covering and I would seriously hire the first person that comes along if it were up to me.

I guess that's it for now. I couldn't sleep and just needed to get up and out of my head for a while. I don't know if writing helps, but it will at least help me understand what I was going through when I look back.

Bunco success!

2011-08-31T21:41:00.002-05:00

I had bunco tonight and it was a good night for me. I had more losses than anyone else so I won five bucks. Since R gave me five bucks for my ante before I left tonight, I came out ahead. Woo hoo! I never win anything, so biggest loser was great.

The person hosting fixes snacks and a dinner for the people coming, and tonight we were at the house of our most reticent player. She's nice, but painfully quiet and doesn't bring much to the table conversation-wise. I can usually make her laugh which I always feel obliged to do, because I can never tell if she's having a good time or not. She is also gluten-intolerant so unfortunately a lot of what people make for dinners or snacks or desserts she can't eat. That would seriously suck.

Since she hosted she cooked, and I'm not sure if it was gluten-free or not. I'm not opposed to gluten-free meals, but one of the main dishes was a pasta salad that included some flaked fish in it. I thought it was tuna but it ended up being something I didn't recognize and didn't like. At all. I didn't want to spit it out (well, I wanted to spit it out but I didn't think it was appropriate) but I sure didn't like it. I hope it wasn't spoiled. I hope it was just some nasty tasting fish.

I had some dark chocolate M&M's when I got home to get the taste out of my mouth. Thank heavens for dark chocolate.

Hangin' in

2011-08-25T18:34:00.000-05:00

I'm hangin' in there at work, but just barely. I'm working long days and still feel like I'm under water. People keep asking me if I can see a light at the end of the tunnel and I tell them that there is no light, the tunnel is getting longer, and I am crawling through it on my hands and knees.

Even so, I'm doing okay. I always feel super valuable and necessary around this time of year which isn't a bad thing.

Okay, what else is new besides work crap. That's all I talk about lately and I'm kind of sick of it. Hmm... Let's see.....Well now.....

Oh my God I'm boring!

We watched a movie called "The Amateurs" (I think) with Jeff Bridges. I liked it and recommend it for an easy watch. Lots of cameos and faces you'll recognize, but not in a mugging, look who's in this movie kind of way. And who doesn't like Jeff Bridges? He's just a good guy. A good, old hippie guy.

I cannot stop eating Mexican food. I would seriously eat it three times a day. I have no idea why that is, but maybe my taste buds are fading and need some extra spice to wake them up. I made some corn and black bean salsa at lunch and I'm thinking I'll go fix me a little plate when I get done here.

Now that I have that in my brain, there's nothing else to say.

Grateful

2011-08-23T20:28:00.000-05:00

I had a phone call from a work friend today. The ad was in the paper for whatever position I don't want, and she was trying to figure out what it meant. After I told her I'm staying in my current position, she said she was so grateful. She said if I left to go to the other office she was really going to have to consider leaving.

And for her kind thoughts, I am grateful too.

R has been running again, getting in shape, dropping some needed weight. Tonight he ran to clear his head after a phone call from a crazy sister-in-law. I was very proud of him and grateful for his sanity. Grateful for his help and patience when I was struggling the past few weeks.

I'm lucky and today I know it.

I'll manage

2011-08-20T20:02:00.000-05:00

Last weekend we were out of town at a niece's wedding. Everything was lovely but I was chilly at the reception because our table was in front of a large air conditioning vent. While waiting for the dance to start I asked R if we could go for a walk outside to warm up a little, so we walked a block to main street downtown. We stopped in a little shop that had everything from garden statuary to novelty items to interesting gadgets. I found a little bracelet with Chinese symbols on it that included the "double happiness" character as a good luck charm. I figured it wouldn't hurt to wear a lucky charm, especially as I was trying to do double duty at two jobs at work. Maybe the bracelet would help me figure things out.

It's a week later, and I think the situation has resolved. Not the way I thought, but maybe the best way it could. Friday the Director asked to speak to me after meeting with the VP about hiring me at the salary we had discussed earlier. The VP had rejected the Director's request to increase my pay to the level I asked for, citing his inability to authorize a pay increase of over 10% without Executive Board approval, which the VP was not willing to pursue. After verifying that offer was off the table, the Director told me they were willing to increase my pay the maximum 10% , but allow me to choose the position I wanted -- the new job or my current job. And in a year I would be considered for a second, similar pay increase based on merit.

This is the third year the university has foregone raises for staff, understandably due to budget and economic challenges. I celebrated my third anniversary at the university just over a week ago, so my pay has remained at starting level. The staff, my boss, and the Director all tell me I am the most grossly underpaid person in the office, and the Director worked hard to get what he could for me under the circumstances. The Director told me that they hoped that the increase they could offer me would keep me at the university, because their concern was that I was reaching the point where I would walk away to something more lucrative.

I can't tell you how much that means to me. I would have loved the increase that was discussed earlier, but I never really wanted the position in the other office. It was a purely monetary decision to take that job. Now that I don't have to take it, it makes my own job, the one that I really enjoy, even better. I can keep my job and still get the maximum they are offering at this time, making the decision on whether or not to switch jobs a no-brainer.

So I think the double happiness bracelet worked after all. I was asked and I'm going to do what I can to help train the replacement in the other office, based on the minimal training I received before my co-worker left. That will help me continue to understand more about the flow of the processes at the university which is not a bad thing. I'm deep in my own work too, and am not sure how it will all fit right now. But I'll manage.

Slogging through

2011-08-16T18:33:00.000-05:00

I'm at that time of year again when the financial aid drops into student accounts, where the authorizations from third parties come fast and thick from the fax machine and email, and where my days are long and incessantly busy. I enjoy the pace and the visits with students and I like to think I'm good at my job and make a difference.

Until now.

I was asked to fill an accounting position in our sister department when it was vacated by my counterpart there. I had less than two weeks to train for the job while still trying to do my own. The job is entirely different and I have no idea what to do, but she's gone now and I'm making stabbing attempts at understanding it while I'm still working in my old office. All of this is taking place during my busiest time which will turn into that position's busiest time in September. I don't know if this is job security or job insanity.

I've narrowed the duties I still perform in my old office down to the ones that I alone know how to do. My boss is handling the rest of my work to the best of his abilities. This is one of those times when I just close my eyes and hope for the best.

I haven't done much in the other office except get permissions and access to the parts of our software that I'll need. I'm getting supplemental pay until the powers that be sort out what they are going to offer me salary-wise, and I can't complain about that. I don't feel I'm earning it right now unless the stress, doubt and worry count for something.

R is taking care of the home front. He's cooking dinner, rubbing my shoulders, and keeping my spirits up. I'm seriously overwhelmed but it's all because of the uncertainty and change. I'll get through it (or not) and will figure it out. Everyone thinks I'll be great in that position although I'll miss the student contact. I'm not as sure, but I appreciate their faith in me. The Director is very sure I can do it, and he asked me to make the change as soon as he received the resignation of the previous occupant of that desk. Seriously, it was within minutes.

I had a pretty good day today, although I had one student accuse me of swearing (strangely, I didn't). He was a little schmoozey and overly flirtatious with this 50-year-old-plus woman. He may be a challenge down the road, but that also may be someone else's problem. Maybe I won't miss the student contact after all...

I need some chocolate.

Trying times

2011-07-31T21:22:00.000-05:00

We've hit a rough patch with the pugs. At least one of them (we're not sure who) is sick with something...we don't know what. We've had to clean up WAY more stuff (diarrhea or vomit...we can't always tell) in the past few days than anyone should have to do in a year. And believe me, that's bad.

It started at around 4:30 on Friday morning when I got up to pee. I heard some weird noise and figured out it was the black pug snorting loudly, which is unusual in the middle of the night. She only snorts when anxious or overheated. I started down the stairs to see what was going on and the smell hit me. I went back up to get R and we both ventured down to what can only be described as a wall of stench. R opened the crate the dogs share and the black pug ran out and headed towards the back door (I wouldn't have opened the crate, but it was early and he was tired). R followed with the fawn pug and we ushered both of them out the back door. They were clearly covered with whatever was in the crate, and EVERYTHING stunk.

We began hosing down the dogs and the crate. R was gagging down to his toes. I was cautioning him not to awaken the neighbors with his retching. The dogs were wandering around the yard and the mosquitoes were zeroing in on my bare legs and arms. It was ridiculous. When we got everything clean enough to bring inside, we went in to try and sleep a little more. We left the black pug outside because it was still relatively cool and she didn't even bark. That told us she was really sick.

When it was time to go to work, R suggested we just barricade the dogs in the kitchen so they didn't have to lay in it if one of them got sick. It was a good idea, except that when I came home from lunch I found one of them had got sick, one of them had pooped, and one of them had walked through it. It was as bad as it gets. I spent my lunch hour gagging and scrubbing the kitchen floor, hosing off the dogs, and then when I had everything cleaned up I had to do it again when one of them got sick on the kitchen floor.

We didn't have any more incidents the rest of Friday or Saturday. This morning I got up at 6:00 to take a shower and when I walked down the stairs I could smell it again. Dang! More hosing, more scrubbing, more bathing and a trip to the pet store for a deodorizing pet spray because we couldn't get the smell out of the dogs' hair.

We've since learned to separate the pugs in the barricaded kitchen so we can tell who is doing what. This afternoon the black pug had another accident but we really think the fawn pug also did something this morning. We even wondered aloud if maybe we have some of the deadly dog food from China that made both dogs sick. We switched foods just in case.

We're all exhausted and our house smells like a sewage treatment plant (the "before" tank). But we feel so bad for our little pugs because they clearly don't feel well. We're worried that if we lose the black pug we'll have to put the fawn pug down because he relies on her and won't sleep by himself. He just cries without her. I know that's a dark place to go but we're both tired and irrational right now.

Tonight they're resting and quiet. We'll see how the night goes, but I don't think we'll do the crate again unless they just won't sleep. I'm a walking, talking bundle of aches and pains, over-glazed with fatigue. Please let it be a good night.

Weird dream

2011-07-23T07:11:00.000-05:00

I thought I'd better get this down on virtual paper before I forget too much of it. It is that weird...

I dreamed that I was going someplace to get some Amish cookies I heard about. My car was pointed the wrong way so I had to drive in reverse to get there. It was about a mile. That was hard but I managed to do it.

I pulled up to the place, and went into the basement of what at first seemed like one of the local hospitals. There was an Amish lady standing there but I was distracted by other things in a series of rooms and got to looking at them. One thing I remember is a large room next to the one I was in that was full of old people sitting at tables. It was like a cafeteria for old people. Then I shook off my distraction and saw the Amish lady and several little wrapped packages. The packages were pink butcher paper wrapped around a couple of fairly large cookies. It was hard to tell what kind of cookies they were because of the wrapping. She asked me what kind of cookie I wanted but it was hard to understand her because at that moment we were surrounded by several small children that I assumed were hers. She was kind of gruff and rough around the edges for an Amish woman, and I hesitated in asking her to repeat herself. I finally said "chocolate chip" hoping that would be one of the choices. I was hoping I had enough money to pay for the cookies because I only had about $4 and some change.

Then she showed me the Korean babies. There were probably half a dozen Korean babies in the room, and she showed me the one she thought I should have. It was the largest one, but it was still an infant, a boy only a month or two old. I picked him up and thought I could take the Korean baby too, but I wasn't sure what she was charging for him (or IF she was charging for him). I expected he would be about $50 and I didn't have that with me. I became a little concerned about what I should do.

The kids were swarming around me and the baby and I was trying to get out my money to at least pay for the cookies. Somehow their little dolls were mixed up with my dollar bills and coins and the process just got harder. I was holding the Korean baby, juggling my purse and money and the kids were swarming around me. The basement had become the Amish woman's living room, and her Amish husband walked through. Around that time my own husband came and helped me get things together to pay for the cookies. I think we were taking the Korean baby on a trial basis. I grabbed all of my things which now included a diaper bag, my purse, the Korean baby, a blanket, the cookies, and a couple of toys and we prepared to leave. We left the living room that was in an apartment building, and we had to get on an elevator to get to the parking garage where our car was.

Somehow I became surrounded by my family. We were all trying to get on the elevator together, but the elevator was small, not much bigger than a shower. It also wasn't very safe and you had to pull a cord, kind of like a drapery cord, to get it to stop. I almost fell down the shaft. When it finally did stop, everyone got on the elevator but me and the baby and all of my stuff. I kept trying to catch the next elevator but people from the apartment building kept getting on ahead of me. They all knew what they were doing and clearly I didn't. I started to cry because no one was letting me go and my family was waiting and my hands were full. Someone told me I could walk down a level and the elevator there was easier to catch. I went there and it didn't have as many people but it was a super tiny elevator, about the size of a single stall shower. It even had a white curtain.

I finally got on that elevator and was ready to go when I remembered I didn't know where anyone was. I didn't know if they were waiting by the car. I had no idea what level the car was on. I wondered if they could be outside. I was panicking a little when all of a sudden......the alarm went off.

That was NOT a peaceful, relaxing dream. And I have nothing against Korean babies, but I don't want one.

Doped

2011-07-19T19:33:00.000-05:00

I saw the nurse practitioner today about my shoulder, neck and arm. I've been in varying degrees of pain for the last 10 days or so, and finally decided I needed medical intervention. I almost called off the appointment earlier today when it wasn't hurting too bad, but now it's aching like a sonofagun so I'm glad I went.

I have a prescription for a muscle relaxant, and a pain med. I'm also supposed to take Aleve. I took my first dose about 15 minutes ago, so I hope I can continue to type coherently. Anyway, she did some range of motion tests on my shoulder and told me I was really tight. That made me feel better because I thought maybe I was being a big baby.

She also showed me some stretching exercises. I positively HATE stretching, but the ones she showed me are easy and not even that weird looking so I can do them throughout the day. Wow. My arm is already feeling better. God bless muscle relaxants.

The NP was very nice and seemed very knowledgeable. Oh, and get this. They told me I was down about three pounds from my last visit! I couldn't figure that out because I haven't really lost any weight but then I realized it was cold when I was there last so my clothes were heavier. I'm in a light top and capri pants today.

The nurse who took my pulse and blood pressure also told me it was low. She asked me if that was normal for me and I told her it was. I guess that's good.

Okay, I'm watching Caddyshack now which is just so lazy. Flipping Out is on later and I'm just hooked on it. I can do without the Real Housewives (because nothing is real and they're not housewives) but I gotta watch Flipping Out. And Hoarders. And Toddlers and Tiaras.

It's super sad, isn't it?

Upbringing

2011-07-17T15:00:00.000-05:00

I have a friend at work who I've known for years. She is one of the nicest, most thoughtful people I know and never fails to remember to inquire about people and events in my life. I like her a lot and enjoy her company at work, but there is one barrier to our being really close, really good friends.....

...she is prejudiced.

Most of her bias is racial, but it can also be based on religious or sexual orientation. And it makes me sad that she is that way because I truly like her. Does that make me bad?

I was thinking about it when I was showing her an online picture of my son with the physician's group he is joining next week. She told me how nice he looked and how proud I must be, and then noticed another physician in the picture of Middle Eastern origin. She commented first on her name and how difficult it must be to pronounce, and then noticed where she received her degree and training. I could tell where it was going and tried to diffuse it like I usually do. I mentioned that I had met her and she was a very nice, friendly person. Then the subject changed and we moved on.

I thought later how she had told me about conversations at her house where comments were made about people who are a little different. About the type of people her kids could or could not date. Or when her granddaughter who is just over a year really wanted a "doll of color" over any of the white dolls in the store display. She talked about how they ended up distracting her in order to get the black doll away because that just "would not go over well" if she brought the doll home. I then realized how exhausting it must be to have to limit your likes, dislikes, friendships, conversations, and even toys to a single race and type of person. And then I felt sorry for her.

Like I said I knew her years ago, and spent some time at the home where she grew up. I knew her parents and siblings. Racial comments were tossed around like I toss out swear words. I was appalled then, in my early 20's, because my upbringing was nothing like that. We were inclusive people, and it "would not go over well" if we behaved any differently. I never realized how much easier it is to be inclusive and open because I've never had to worry about disappointing or alienating anyone I was related to.

I didn't have to worry about who my kids played with or brought home. I didn't have to explain or hide anything, and for the most part the people I surround myself with are the same way. I'm really fortunate and appreciate my parents for making it easy instead of a burden.

Funny thing. My personal challenge is to include people of all political persuasions in my life. I guess that makes me a political bigot at heart. Ouch -- the truth hurts!

Working stiff

2011-07-12T20:06:00.000-05:00

I have had progressively worsening back and neck pain this week to the point where today I couldn't turn my head. I have no idea why. Am I holding tension in my neck? Do I have a cold in my neck? Is that even possible?

Pain makes me even more stupid and forgetful. I'm so busy trying not to hurt myself I can't concentrate and I hate that. I had to work with a couple of departments today on some cash handling and reporting and I'm not sure what I told them. I hope it made sense.

A friend is sending her oldest son to the university where I work, and she called tonight with questions on how things work on the financial side. We went over a lot tonight, but I didn't give her any details because I didn't have information in front of me on whether or not she was authorized to have his information. I hope it made sense to her, but she's a little high strung anyway and this is really stressing her out. It's easy for me to see that it will be fine, but it's hard for her because it's all an unknown. I must say, in comparison I am one laid back dudette.

I heard a line last week that I am tucking away to use at the appropriate moment: "Don't let the Man harsh your mellow." I know it's very Pauly Shore in "Encino Man" but it strikes a chord with me. It has nothing to do with this post, but I needed to get it written down before I forget it. Now it's cyber-filed. Diggy.

I've typed long enough and don't want to hurt my neck any more than I already have. If I actually was mellow, it would be harshed a little right now. Thank goodness I'm not.

Retirement?

2011-07-05T20:43:00.000-05:00

I had the day off today which made my weekend 4 1/2 days long. I took off last Friday afternoon and we were really very busy most of the weekend....until today. I can't seem to get started on anything and I'm not in the mood to even try. The fact that I'm kind of worthless today makes me worry about when I do finally get to that retirement age. What the heck will I do with myself?

I've always said I will semi-retire when the time comes. I may retire fully from earning money and go to doing volunteer work part time, or I may get a part-time job. My job will allow me to retire to half time if I've worked there ten years.

It's become apparent I need some kind of structure in my day. By structure, I mean a plan or a goal. Or a deadline. I really hate that about myself, but I'm not sure I can do anything about it. Is it really possible I don't know how to relax? That's just sad.

I went to an antique shop today and browsed around. I didn't buy anything because there's not a darn thing I need. I also made a trip to the mall and found a lightweight knit sweater-y type jacket on sale for 75 percent off. I got it after I asked myself if the only reason I was buying it was because of the price. The answer was no, it was also cute. I finished up a baby gift for my niece by sewing up a fleece hat that matched the fleece blanket I made. It all turned out adorable if I do say so myself.

Last Friday afternoon I met a friend at her house for lunch and we floated in her pool until evening. It was positively heaven and such fun. I brought burgers and fries and we fixed fruity drinks with umbrellas. I guess I do know how to relax, huh? Just give me a pool, refreshments and someone to visit with and I'm good to go. I suggested we make it an annual event. She suggested monthly.

R will be home soon and I promised him home-made pizza. I guess it's time to get busy. See? I just need a project to get off the couch!

Point and pat

2011-06-23T18:57:00.002-05:00

I don't think it's any secret that my boss is a goofball. I may or may not have pointed out that his picture is in the dictionary next to "buffoon", but the truth is he's somewhere between pretty tolerable and a nincompoop. He definitely doesn't micromanage me which is a huge plus. I do my best work when I figure out things myself and am free to improve my processes. He also puts up with more crap from me than he probably should. Can't help myself on that one.

But honestly he's dumb as a post sometimes (his picture is also in the dictionary next to "post: dumb as") and it's been a dumb and dumber couple of weeks. I've had to manage things in the office and solve problems in a round about way so he thinks he's managing and solving. It gets things done, gets things solved, and makes him feel accomplished even though I get no credit or management compensation.

One of my peeves is his inability to commit to a concrete request while at the same time he's quick to praise himself when he does. Case in point is when I told him that since I'm working at the New Student Orientations (our Admissions and Financial Aid offices requested my help because he's too much of a challenge to work with) I would need for him to run the accounting processes at the end of the work day. His response: "I think maybe we could do that." I've learned from experience that a statement like that from him isn't worth the oxygen he inhaled because a) he's not really agreeing it needs to be done, b) if he does agree, he's not really saying he'll do it, and c) he's not really sure what he's not agreeing to do.

Since I'm on to him, I said, "I'm going to be away from my desk all afternoon, so I won't be able to monitor the refunds or clear up any problems before running the processes."

"Well sure, I can probably do them."

"So you'll do it then?"

"I'll do them."

On the first afternoon I was out of the office, I was away until the final half hour of the work day. When I returned, he said, "So....did you want me to run the processes?"

An on it went. He continued to ask me each time and each time I told him yes and that I had been away all afternoon and my desk was piled up. About a week ago he was walking to a meeting with me and he pointed out that he was happy to run the processes on those days when I was away at the NSO because it was only fair. Magnanimous. I knew he was looking for some strokes so I told him thanks, and that it was indeed very helpful. On Tuesday I was out at an NSO until 4:30 and when I arrived back at the office he said, "I'm assuming you want me to run the processes?" which is just another ploy to see if he can get out of doing the one thing he said he would do after he had patted himself on the back about doing it while fishing for a compliment for doing it.

AARRRGH!

I have little patience with a grown man who works so hard seeking approval but spends so little energy earning it. To make it worse, when he is confronted with something he did wrong or didn't do at all, he is the first to point the finger at someone else. We in the office like to say he points the finger while patting himself on the back. We even have a gesture to demonstrate how he manages that particular bit of gymnastics.

We have a lot of gestures, but that's another post.

Don't know much about....

2011-06-19T19:04:00.000-05:00

....nothin'. We had a nice, quiet weekend and were able to take it easy today for R's Father's Day. We shopped a little, ate out some, and rested some. Since we cleaned house yesterday for hosting dominoes last night, there wasn't that much to do today. We tried to enjoy the down time.

I'm watching the tail end of a 60 Minutes report on people with remarkable, photographic memories and I'm a little bummed. My own memory has been fuzzy and struggling lately, and I'd love to have a reason for it. I blame a lot of it on multitasking. It's hard to listen and remember when you are listening while watching, reading, checking, texting, surfing, or any number of other tasks.

I've heard that menopause can play tricks with your memory or at least the ability to retrieve memories and I find some comfort in that. I'd much rather blame the problem on a physiological, temporary condition than admit that it may just be the way I am going to be. I also blame it on lack of sleep which can also be menopause related. Even so, I just told R today when we saw a sign for a a shop that deals with the problems of menopause (Really? An entire shop?) that I thought it was kind of silly and it was probably better for a woman to just go through the process and get it over with. Spoken like a woman who hasn't encountered much problem with the process up to this point, not counting lack of sleep and poor memory.

I am very suggestible, so now I'm sleepy. Maybe a little nap will help....

Reuniting

2011-06-12T19:03:00.000-05:00

I saw a number of my cousins yesterday at a family reunion that we try to hold every three years. It was fun, great to catch up, and there were some poignant moments. My mother is the last sibling remaining of the aunts and uncles, but she appeared to have a good time. I didn't have enough time to visit with everyone as much as I would have liked, but it was still good.

I've had iffy sleep the past week or so, and I don't know if it was because of anxiety, stress, or just bad luck. On Friday night we stayed in the hotel where the reunion was held and it was just awful for sleeping. I found it noisy and uncomfortable. I believe I've said it before that I am someone who likes her familiar space and true peace and quiet so it was a challenge for me. Last night, in my own bed, I slept very soundly until I heard R get up and check on a noise he heard. Turns out some branches in a neighbor's tree were shorting wires, causing pops and flashes. The fire department showed up. I'm lucky I had several hours of good sleep by then! Still, I took a nap today and really took it easy much of the day.

The insurance adjuster looked over our hail damage today, and we'll get a little compensation. We don't need a new roof which is good news and bad news. The good news is we don't need a new roof and the bad news is that when we do need a new roof, we'll probably have to pay for it.

We had an amazing evening watching my son graduate from his residency program. He has done such a good job and that was acknowledged over and over by his peers as well as those who taught him. It was one of those special moments that I get to tuck away in my memory bank and pull out when I need a smile. We were at a table with several other people, including a young couple who had just adopted a baby. The father was also graduating and the mother was holding the little one who was of a different race than his new parents. I offered to hold the baby while the mother went through the buffet, and I ended up holding him most of the evening because he was asleep. He was also pretty tiny so it didn't wear out my arm. I kept looking at his beautiful skin and decided it was just creamy like caramel. It was a treat.

That's all I have now.

I never said I was

2011-06-05T14:36:00.000-05:00

Our blind, deaf pug is a challenge, even though he's the sweetest dog in the entire world. He wanders around the house searching for us whenever we're home, which means we trip over him, get run into with a snotty, eye-goopy face, and have to clean up the occasional poop and pee because he can't find the door and can't let us know he needs to go out. He pooped in the kitchen today, then walked through it and tracked it throughout the house. And because he self-punishes, he's now sitting on the deck being a "bad dog." If we could watch him constantly, or simply sit and hold him, there would be no problem, but we can't spend our weekends on the sofa and he won't rest if we're here. He has always been the kind of dog that needed to be next to us and that didn't stop when he could no longer see or hear us.

We don't know what to do, so we're doing nothing. I know that one of my greatest character flaws is that I am not a caregiver and don't have lots of patience for it, so I feel like he's getting the short end of the stick. He's done nothing but be a good companion, while I'm annoyed he keeps bumping into my bare legs, leaving dark eye goop behind. I honestly have to clean my walls once every two weeks because of the amount of stuff he leaves behind as he wanders around the house.

Sigh.

So what do we do when a really sweet but challenging pet and a person who is weary of the challenge occupy the same space? I don't know. I realized I'm making his problems into my problems, without any consideration of how hard it must be on him to be unable to find us. All he wants to do is be with us. All I want him to do is stop gooping on me and my walls, but that won't happen. He appears to be in fairly good health otherwise although he seems a bit arthritic. I should be empathetic because I am too.

Oh well, I just wanted to get it off my chest -- it's not like I'm going to take steps or anything. Until he appears to be in pain or failing in some other way, we'll keep him around and continue to trip over him. I never said I was a good caregiver, but I can suck it up when I need to. I hope that moves me out of the running for the "most horrible person" award, and moves me into the "hangs in there pretty good" award. That's about the best I can hope for.

Eggshells

2011-05-30T19:22:00.000-05:00

We had lunch with my mother today at her retirement apartment dining room. It was delicious and there were lots of people to meet. A really good meal.

We have a family reunion coming up in a couple of weeks, and she is struggling with it. She recently lost her last two siblings so she is the only one left of her immediately family. My cousin who is planning the reunion is changing things up a little this year, and it's in a different town, at a different venue, with different events. My mother doesn't understand why it needed to be changed, and is taking it a little personally. I'm caught in the middle, and I find it exhausting and stressful.

After we had our lunch we went to her apartment to visit and she became angry about my cousin and how she is handling the reunion preparations. I made a conscious effort not to feed that anger, but by not joining in the diatribe I was guilty by association. I pulled out my newly minted skills from the leadership course, and managed to remain calm (on the outside). I could tell a lot of it was simply venting, but it was still tough. It was tough to watch her sadness at being the last remaining sibling and tough to watch her anger at the circumstances. Finally, she told me, as I was trying to smooth things over, to "Just wait until you're a cranky old woman!" I told her I was already a cranky old woman, and that diffused the situation. Whew.

It's tough to handle those rough spots, especially since my family is pretty non-confrontational until things come to a head. I think I did okay but I still feel a little spent emotionally. I think I have a different relationship with my kids, for good or bad, and I hope it works better for all of us. My husband is an enormous help and a wonderful sounding board, so my stresses bounce off of him first before they go much further.

I hope that she was able to clear her anxiety a bit by getting it out of her system. I have a tendency to take on other people's problems so I feel like I've picked up the knapsack so to speak and have carried it around the rest of the day. I hope I can put it down before too long. Other people's burdens are heavy.

I didn't embarrass myself

2011-05-24T20:13:00.000-05:00

I attended a United Way wrap up dinner at the university president's house this evening and my goal was not to embarrass myself in any way. That meant I could not say something stupid, do something stupid, or act generally stupid. Tall order.

I ended up visiting with and sitting with one of the United Way ladies, a co-worker from the university, and the co-worker's husband. Turns out we were well matched in that we talked about having no real social skills or at the very least the manners expected of those people who are in charge (like the university president). We ended up laughing a lot and sharing our histories and finding the commonality in that. Now if anyone else had been listening or sitting at our table, there would have been a problem but we were fine with the four of us. And that made it fun.

I walked to and from the dinner so I got a little exercise. I'm trying to get in shape for my family reunion coming up here in a couple of weeks. I'm not too far gone, but I could stand to lose a couple of pounds. I'm watching what I eat in the hopes that will be enough. I still hate the "D" word, so if I don't call it that I'll do better.

I don't really know anything else worth writing about. So that's it for now.

Hail yes!

2011-05-21T19:32:00.000-05:00

...the pugs were safe in the basement while the sirens blew.....

....and the hail rained down!

Love the midwest!

Misjudging a pug

2011-05-20T19:33:00.000-05:00

We are babysitting our son's pug, who is younger than ours and a bit friskier. He is a good dog but of higher energy than we are used to. Apparently he also has a different digestive schedule.

I've admitted on numerous occasions to being pretty clueless and unobservant. Keeping that in mind, you can imagine how we handled it when the guest pug kept coming upstairs last night as we were trying to get some work done in our office. We thought he was being nosy or seeking company or just being a pest, so we kept shooing him back down the stairs, telling him that pugs belonged on the first floor (our rule is: cats only in the basement, pugs only on the first floor, and people welcome everywhere). Finally I had R put up the gate so he couldn't climb the stairs to bug us.

After a while I had to go retrieve some paperwork from the kitchen, and I smelled something unmistakeable when I got to the foot of the stairs. I looked around, and discovered this:

I called to R that there was poo and I needed him, and he asked why I couldn't clean it up. I told him there was a LOT. of it and that it was EVERYWHERE (the picture is but a portion and how in the world did it get on the wall?) He came downstairs and immediately began to gag and heave. I started laughing and couldn't stop. My eyes were watering and I couldn't see which was a problem because the poo was mostly on our dining room area rug which is very patterned so it was camouflaged. We both were trying to clean up the mess, he while gagging and me while crying, but we couldn't figure out which of the three pugs was responsible. First I wondered if the blind deaf pug had somehow got his face in it and then run into the wall (which he does at least 50 times a day), but I realized it was too high up for him to have done it. It did not appear to be explosive diarrhea because it wasn't "sprayed" on the wall. (I'm sorry about that particular mental picture. Heck I'm sorry about the actual picture.)

Then it hit me: the guest pug, when he is using our yard to do his business, always turns his back to whatever he does after he finishes and kicks at it in order to cover it up with grass or dirt or whatever. He's really very tidy and considerate that way. However, when you do your business on our dining room carpet and you kick backwards at it, it just goes flying -- flinging to be precise -- and apparently it can achieve some pretty good height.

It must have taken 30 minutes to clean up the walls and the floors and the carpet. We also found pee in the kitchen that we know was his because he is the only male pug still lifting his leg and it was on the side of my cabinets (I know, gross, but at least there's no photographic evidence.) After we got it cleaned up I felt bad because it was pretty clear he had been trying to tell us he wanted to go out when we thought he was just being nosy. So that's what you get for misjudging a pug. Flinging poo.

Insane

2011-05-15T20:32:00.002-05:00

If I have not received the clinical diagnosis of insanity, I probably should. I got some kind of burr up my butt recently and decided I needed a new color on my living room walls. The beautiful Toffee Crunch (that I affectionately called "Butterscotch Milk") was in perfect shape and still looked nice and yummy. However, because we had added some artwork and a few other things in there and throughout the first floor, I felt the color was becoming competitive. I have long considered a more neutral taupe in there, especially with the achingly gorgeous "Mountain Stream" blue in the dining room and the more unremarkable sage green in the TV room.

Last weekend, I looked at paint colors at a big box home improvement store. I grabbed a handful of neutral taupes ranging from greenish to grayish to pinkish to brownish. I took them home and taped them to my walls to see what worked and what didn't. It didn't take long to eliminate all but three, then I moved down to two. I stuck the strips behind furniture to see how it worked with those colors, behind paintings to check it with those, on different walls in different light, and then I narrowed it to the one: Potter's Clay. I even liked the name. I let it hang for a couple of days so I could look at it in sunlight, when the sky was overcast, in the dawn and in the twilight. I love the way paint colors change throughout the day but I also want to like them when they do.

The paint card hung for a couple of days when I realized it looked a lot like another color I've used in my house. I pulled it off the wall and carried it to the downstairs bathroom and found I had managed to find the almost identical color to the one I used in there that was called "Whippet." So if anyone is wondering, Whippet and Potter's Clay are basically the same. I could have done all the research I needed while sitting on the toilet.

So here was the paint plan. We were going to be busy on Saturday with a graduation party and dominoes with friends, plus we had bookwork to catch up. I scheduled a day of vacation Monday where I was really hoping to chill and play a little, so that left Sunday. But I woke up on Saturday with a stiff neck and a sore shoulder, and could barely move or turn my head. I medicated it and put some heat on it, but worried it would interfere with my painting plan.

I woke up Sunday with the same pain, but determination overruled common sense. We went out and bought the paint and I told myself that if I started painting, it would probably loosen up. I started cutting in the walls which is a challenge when you can't look up. Bifocals require an even bigger stretch, but I pushed on.

This is where the insanity comes in. I had to work painfully slow because of...well...the pain, but I kept at it. It took all day for me to cut in and then paint the room, but I was too stubborn to quit. The reason? I didn't want to paint on my vacation day. Laying around smelling of Ben-Gay is okay, but painting is out. It would go against my paint plan.

The end result is the room is done, it looks fabulous, and I'm glad I did it. Tomorrow I'll rehang the art and enjoy the full effect. And the room will be clean because while I had the furniture moved away from the walls, I washed the curtains and the wood floors. I told you -- insane! But at least the only thing I'll be painting on my day off is my toenails.

Wrap

2011-05-07T15:50:00.000-05:00

We wrapped up the United Way campaign at work yesterday so I can say goodbye to another five weeks of scheduled events and meetings that for whatever reason stresses me out. I am ever grateful I am not in charge and I really think my best asset is my willingness to be a gofer. I'll do most anything they ask, just don't ask me to do the asking. I get to meet people around the university and also gain a reputation as "that helpful lady with the gray hair..."

R mowed the back yard today and the whole space is probably at it's peak of prettiness. Some of our second attempt at grass seeding came up and the grass that was already there is filling in and looking kind of good. I love the small space coziness of our back yard, in fact I'm typing in it right now while sitting at our patio table. Oh my gosh, a darling little chickadee just stopped and enjoyed a bite from the little feeder I hung in the kitchen window so our canary could watch his counterparts bop around. It's the first one I've seen on the feeder that I moved there yesterday, and he's even doing it while I'm sitting right here, probably twelve feet away! Freakin' adorable.

We're going to go pick up a couple more plants tomorrow so I can get a little more color around here. We try to do it in tiny bits so it doesn't feel like we're dropping a bundle.

I have no projects for the weekend except taking it easy. R bought me a magazine last night (Real Simple) so I can relax and rest and do nothing (or not much). I would like to pull some weeds and move a couple of plants but that's actually relaxing when you have time for it.

A friend stopped by last night for a visit. She was feeling bad for the blind, deaf pug who kept wandering around the room, running into things. She dubbed him "Roomba" which is perfect. Too bad he isn't equipped for cleaning though.

We're meeting friends for dinner tonight and there will be margaritas. I already have a headache so I'm thinking when I wake up tomorrow with a sinus headache no one will believe me again. Curses!

That's it for now. I'm going to relax some more.

Lunch therapy

2011-05-04T19:46:00.000-05:00

I had lunch yesterday with my replacement at the old law firm. She and I get together periodically to trade stories and catch up, and she said she was really needing to vent. Turns out she was having the same old problems with the co-workers that I used to have. I felt so vindicated.

I told her that I often wondered if my problems with those angry women were of my own making. Maybe my expectation for how people work and behave were completely out of sync with the real world. I thought a person should do her best to get along with people she's around for eight hours a day, but there was so much backbiting, infighting, and fire-starting that it wore me down.

Anyhoo, my lunch buddy was having the same issues and was trying to figure out how to deal with the situation. I told her she couldn't control the angry women, but could only control how she reacted to them (that was a page straight out of my leadership course that is easier to say than do). I also told her the big boss knew he could count on her to be truthful, to have no agenda, and to do what was best for the firm. No matter what he was told by the rest of the staff, he would trust her and value her insight. And while that didn't mean he would always follow her suggestions, she could console herself with the knowledge she did her best and took the high road.

We both had a good laugh over some of my old stories and some of her new ones, and both of us felt better by the time we had to go back to work. And the session only cost me a chicken enchilada and iced tea. Chips and salsa were free.

This is dumb but....

2011-04-30T21:14:00.001-05:00

.....I'm convinced I saw something this morning that fascinated me if it's true. We were driving along on the interstate with the g-kids in the back seats and the sun was still pretty low in the sky. It was casting shadows on the gentle hills and caught the top of one of them, illuminating a shallow line down the side of the hill. It was something you wouldn't see if the sun were overhead or if you were too close, but at a distance it looked like an old road or trail that had been consumed by the grass in the fields. Nearby was a more recent path, with ruts and chewed up soil, but the shallow indentation in the hill was subtle, barely there but still visible at the right moment with the right light.

More than one old trail ran through these parts, the Santa Fe Trail and the Oregon Trail are the most noteworthy, and it's well known that remnants of the trails are still visible in places. I have never seen one, but when I saw the sun shining on that hill this morning, revealing that shadow, I thought immediately that it must be one.

It doesn't really matter if it was part of a trail or not. It was cool to think about it and imagine it being used by horses and wagons heading west. I've always thought about people traveling the hills before there were impediments of towns and highways and fences, and I used to block out any signs of civilization like telephone poles to try and see what they would see.

So that's my discovery of the day. Even if it isn't.

Scheduled rest

2011-04-26T21:18:00.000-05:00

I've had too much time on my hands at work this week which is a dangerous thing. I reviewed the employee handbook online and checked further into the benefit of free tuition for one course a semester. I decided to look and see if there was anything that caught my eye, and I found something in archaeology (my eyes got caught very quickly in the alphabetical list of courses). I can take three hours at night on Mondays next fall as a non-degree seeking graduate student. I can take the course pass / fail or maybe even just audit the course (no tests). I have no desire to get my MBA and this seems about as far from that goal as I can get. I'm enough years out of school that I don't even know if I can do it again, and this would be a good way to wade in and test the water.

I completed an online application so I've taken the first step. I can sign up for the course and drop it later if I chicken out. I still have time to mull the problem of how I am going to keep up with Antiques Roadshow if I'm at school. That's a puzzler.

I also looked over my calendar for the next few months and scheduled some days off from work. I'm the walking wounded if by wounded you mean physically and mentally exhausted. I'm busy at work, busy at home, and things are stacking up on a daily basis. One of the days I scheduled is in May for no reason at all except that May is a pretty month and I maybe could work outside in the garden. Or lay around and drink iced tea. Two of the days off are scheduled in June around a family reunion so I can enjoy the weekend without feeling pushed.

Now why would I talk about being exhausted and signing up for a course in the same post? I swear sometimes I'm schizo.

I made some no-bakes for the office tomorrow for Administrative Assistants Day. My boss never remembers to do anything and I don't want the staff to feel unappreciated. Plus I get to eat cookies.

I'm tired so it's time to wrap.

Free speech

2011-04-24T20:13:00.000-05:00

We couldn't find a thing to watch on TV late this afternoon when we finished running errands, catching up, and recovering from having a family dinner here yesterday afternoon. I suggested we head to the video store (I know that's excruciatingly lame, but we don't subscribe to Pay Per View or Netflix online) where we picked up a copy of "The King's Speech." When we went to pay for it, we found out it was a free rental because the video store gave us a coupon to get us back in the store. That made it a free speech. Ba-DUM-dum!

I gotta say, the rental was worth it at any price. Good movie, and Colin Firth and Geoffrey Rush were remarkable. And with a royal wedding scheduled for next weekend, it was kind of timely and reacquainted me with some of the names and titles. Now I need to get a book or rent a movie about Wallis Simpson who sounds like someone I'd dislike instantly but would love to read about. I love dish about nasty women.

Speaking of dish, I also want to read about Elizabeth Taylor. Not that I think she was a nasty woman, but I think she was incredibly interesting and unbelievably beautiful. Some of the stuff she did was just so out there and inappropriate for the times although it would scarcely raise a headline if it happened now.

We picked up a couple little packs of snapdragons for R to plant in a galvanized pail we have on our deck. He plants them every year to honor his mother who loved snapdragons. He lets the grandkids pick the flowers and make them snap and they love it. I love the simple circle of continuity that it creates. For my own pots, I am crazy about hens and chicks. I remember when my mom showed them to me when I was a kid and told me how you had a "mom" and after a while she would be surrounded by "chicks" that looked like miniature little moms. I always plant them and I probably always will and I still love looking for new little chicks. The fact that they thrive on neglect doesn't hurt either.

I polished my granddaughter's nails yesterday which prompted me to finally get to my own. It turned off cool today but my toenails are ready for sandals whenever the weather allows. I also got a haircut yesterday, so I'm good to go. Well, I will be in about a week when it grows out a skosh. Why do stylists insist on giving you your money's worth in inches?

I'd better quit so I can finish laundry and put a clear coat on my fingernails. Ta!

Sympathy pains

2011-04-21T20:43:00.000-05:00

R is prepping tonight for his very own colonoscopy tomorrow. You'll remember that I had one just a few weeks ago, which is really too soon to have forgotten how nasty the prep was. For this reason, his prepping is making me feel nauseated. I tried eating some crackers to counter it and my eating made him nauseous. We are ridiculous.

Last year his colonoscopy found a polyp that had to be removed. He was told if he had waited another year to have the test, the polyp would more than likely have been bad news. That's why he has to have another colonoscopy in just a year. I really think this one will go well and he will be able to wait three years before he has another. I'm feeling optimistic.

I have to take him to the test tomorrow because he'll be loopy afterwards and can't drive. I get a morning off of work which ain't bad. I wish I'd thought to get a magazine or a book or something, but this has not been my week for foresight.

I did some bookwork tonight and I've got to do some cleaning around here. It's crossing the line from dirty to gross. I may just do it tomorrow while he's recovering which would make sense. Plus it's Friday so I'll be dressed casually for when I go back to work.

Okay, that's my plan. Now I can relax and ignore the guilt I feel for not getting busy.

What did I learn from it?

2011-04-20T20:50:00.001-05:00

I'm waiting on the sunshine to return and stay. We've waffled back and forth between chilly and warm and today was chilly again. Yesterday was chilly and overcast and a little bit wet.

I wrapped up my leadership class yesterday and "graduated." My boss attended as my supervisor, along with various levels of supervisors from other departments. Many of the other supervisors had been through the course before and a few of them brought their staff graduation balloons or cards. My boss, who usually manages to figure out exactly what he should not say (and then says it anyway) said, "I knew you wouldn't want balloons, so I didn't get you any." I turned to him and said, "It never occurred to you to get me any," which we both knew was 100% true while what he said was 100% untrue. He couldn't deny it, so he countered with "That's true, but if I had though of it I knew you wouldn't want any."

Now isn't that interesting how his failure to acknowledge was justified by my own probable lack of enthusiasm for the non-event?

Today he was even more annoying which was really putting my new group cooperating, leadership practicing, teamwork building skills to the test. I don't think my colors were flying, but I hope to do better later on and at least pass. One setback does not a failure make.

Remembered

2011-04-15T21:34:00.000-05:00

Okay, last night I remembered what I was going to write about, but I can't remember why I thought it was interesting. I'll forge ahead anyway.

Several years ago I bought an old metal lawn cart at a garage sale for something like two bucks. It was kind of beat up but was really handy and I used it a lot. It was green where the paint was still on it, and was really pretty retro. Last year I found a plastic lawn cart that had a few more features (places for tools, larger wheels) that was something like fifteen bucks. Since I didn't need two lawn carts, R took the old one to his shop which is where we take most everything we don't know what to do with.

A buddy who runs a shop that brings him work came in and asked about the lawn cart. R offered it to him and he thought about it, then ended up taking it. He had the idea to have his 8-year-old grandson help him clean it up and repaint it so they could give it to his wife for mother's day. They worked on fixing it up and it took them a couple of weekends to do a good job. It was an opportunity to teach his grandson how to work with a spray gun, plus they could spend time together. The little boy was excited and proud of his contribution, and it will be a cherished gift for his wife because she will know how they worked on it together.

The thought of that old cart having a new life just makes me smile. Thinking of the little boy spending time with his grandpa to make his grandma happy is just too cute. And to top it off, the little boy's name is Seamus (I'm not sure of the spelling, but it's pronounced SHAY-mus). So I think that the best thing that could have happened for all of us was for us to give that cart away. We had no idea what that would bring back to us...a happy karma rebound.

Let's see...

2011-04-14T20:33:00.000-05:00

I had a great thought for a post but something was lost in the thought scrambler I like to call "The White Zin." We said to heck with the severe thunderstorm warnings and the tornado watch and went to dinner at Jose Pepper's because we have been busy non-stop and needed a break (and to run a few errands). Had a good dinner (a fajita quesadilla that we split) and enough super thin and crispy chips to get over-full on. Made it home in time to see if The Paul Riser Show is any good.

But let's see if I can recall my thoughts. Hmm..... I was talking to R about something and had some kind of incredible insight and I'm pretty sure it was ground-breaking and pithy. I had half of the post written in my head and intended to come home and get it on virtual paper. I just asked R what I said that was ground-breaking and pithy and he couldn't remember either. Knucklehead.

I'm going to press on and if it comes to me that's fine. I have a meeting tomorrow morning and then later will be helping the United Way committee count change from the coin collection. Plus it's Friday and that's always good. I wrapped up two contract jobs last night and still have R's work to do but that's better than having everyone's work to do. We have grandkids on Saturday and they'll do the Easter Egg hunt at the park. I have a baby shower to go to that day and I'm way overdue for a haircut but I'm not going to call on that because I don't have time.

I don't have anything else. I want some chocolate so I've got to go.

Learning

2011-04-12T19:06:00.000-05:00

I finished the fourth day of my five-day leadership course (taught over five weeks) today, and it was good. I've been at the same table with two of the more challenging people in our class for three of the four weeks, but today I think I came to grips with that. I'm not responsible for them or what they take away from it or anything except what I take away from it. I'm such an overachiever that I always want to do well and get the most out things, and their outbursts were annoying me and distracting the class. Today I figured out that I get what I get out of the class, and I need to let the rest go.

I'm such a kvetch! When I'm trying to focus on something, I hate to be interrupted so that's really my issue isn't it?

I've been driving to the course along with a neighbor who also works at the university. He's someone I didn't really know previously, but we've become friends. I've also made acquaintances with other people around the university and am enjoying learning from them and knowing them. Even the more challenging classmates are fun and friendly and good to know. One of them would have been my co-worker had I got the other job, and I found myself grateful to know her better and also glad I ended up staying where I was. That challenge could get old every day!

In a strange twist of fate, the guy who got the job I applied for is also taking the course, and it's clear he has his hands full with her. I thought he was her supervisor but that may not be true. It's hard to tell and the story changes depending on who you talk to. Now wouldn't that be fun to figure out when you start a new job? At any rate, he's a nice guy, pretty young, and we get along fine. I've not told him that he got the job I applied for but I can't imagine that someone hasn't told him since that whole department knows. Whether he knows it or not, I'm cool with it and I don't think my behavior or attitude says anything other than that.

I'm still trying to get over the stomach / gut issues I developed the other day. I have no idea what happened, but I'm trying to drink lots of water and eat a little more healthy. I wondered if my colon was twisted or something, but I think that would have been more serious, along the lines of an emergency. Nothing like over-dramatizing things, huh?

I'm taking tonight off from work so I hope we can take a walk later. I so need some down time, but I also need to learn to not stress about my hectic schedule. Just do it and don't whine or snivel. Wine helps, as do dark chocolate M&M's. Take notes on this, because this is my lesson for the day.

Headway

2011-04-10T19:18:00.000-05:00

We had the sale yesterday of my Mom's stuff that didn't go with her or to family. It was a huge success and a lot of work. It's times like these that having a large family pays off. There were six of us siblings and a couple of in-laws to help with the sale. I worked most of the day in the house cleaning, getting it ready to show. It went on the market on Saturday. Huge headway.

I was a cleaning machine with my usual systematic way of doing things. I finished the formal living room, dining room, and three bedrooms. Today I cleaned the two bathrooms, family room, and kitchen. The master bath was my biggest challenge because the shower was really hard to get clean and rinse. I'm sure I overused the spray-on product and even though I had the vent fan going, I was not feeling well by the end of it. The second bathroom was much quicker because it had a hand-held shower sprayer that I could remove and use to rinse. I made a mental note to never put in a walk-in shower without a hand-held sprayer.

So after two days of cleaning, shifting, lifting, moving, adding, and working, I'm exhausted and sore. I don't know if I hurt my back, but I've got pain that goes through from my gut to my back, and every inch of my legs hurts. I also have a belly ache that I told R feels like I strained a muscle in my colon (is that even possible?) It hurts to walk and for a while it hurt to sit and breathe. I worried that the fumes were making me sick so I spent about ten minutes at home taking long, deep breaths and blowing them out, trying to re-oxygenate. I felt a little better after that so I don't think it hurt.

I still have some contract bookwork to do but I worked for about an hour this afternoon and I had to quit, too tired and really hungry since I wasn't up to eating lunch. I have a little homework to do for my leadership course, but it's nothing hard. My gut still hurts but not like it did. I ate supper and drank some milk tonight. As long as I don't move, it's not bad.

But even with the pain and discomfort, I am really pleased at our accomplishments this weekend. I think we did a good job. I'd pat my own back but my arm hurts too much!

Score one for me

2011-03-31T21:54:00.000-05:00

I hosted bunco at my house last night. I took off yesterday to get ready and made my awesome lasagna with home-made noodles. It was a hit except for the one player who is on a gluten-free diet (I'm afraid I don't cook remotely gluten-free). I also had just finished a fleece blanket with crocheted edging for a player's daughter who is due with a baby in April, and I whipped up a cute little fleece cap to match the blanket. I was putting out a serious Martha Stewart vibe (without the perfection attitude). The pregnant daughter was subbing for a missing player so the timing was good.

I made some cookies that had FOUR kinds of chips in them. They were ridiculous. I served them with ice cream in an edible waffle bowl. Yum.

And by the way, I didn't win anything. But my house was clean and the food was good and the sangria went over well (for non-pregnant guests). Why would anyone purchase ingredients for Sangria when you can just buy a bottle of Madria Sangria, pour it into a pitcher, and add some orange slices? Instant party.

Back at work today. I'll be so TGIF tomorrow. Why would anyone want to work more than three days a week?

How did I miss that?

2011-03-29T21:46:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I had my barium enema test at the hospital. I had to prep on Sunday with clear liquids and two bottles of magnesium citrate (I chose the cherry flavor -- not the best). The prep went okay, and I didn't get nauseous. I am also here to tell you it was successful. In a big way.

I did end up with another migraine on Sunday night because that's what happens to me when I don't eat. It was creeping up on me slowly and then it goes full blown in the middle of the night. I liken it to having rusty re-bar thrust through my eye socket. R had to get up to break into the packaging on one of the free pills my doc gave me and it took him about ten minutes of cussing at around 1:30 in the morning.

So I go for the test and I'm sitting in the waiting room wondering why they haven't given me any bottles of barium or whatever it is to drink. I think it will take forever if they don't get me started. Hmm. After a while they call my name and I'm led to the room where the procedure is explained to me. How the hell did I miss the enema part of a barium enema? All I was focusing on was the barium. What a complete and utter dork.

Now that I'm up to speed on the procedure, I just go with it. I am making small talk with the technician, who is a really nice young man. Force of habit, I ask him where he got his training and he tells me he is currently a student at the local university. I tell him I work there which was why I was asking and then I think in my head, "Now I've made it weird." I wondered if the poor guy was thinking to himself, "I don't want to imagine this old lady anywhere but here," but he didn't act like it. Oh well.

The procedure, while dignity is checked at the door, was really pretty easy. A little pressure, a lot of repositioning, and some epic gas afterwards, and I was off. And since I'd taken my migraine medicine in the middle of the night, I was not moaning and rocking in pain like when I had the colonoscopy. I went home and grabbed a quick breakfast before heading off to work. I was still dealing with some gas and some barium, but not bad overall.

And I thought to myself I must have been the most clueless person in the hospital that day, and that's including those people under general anesthesia.

Getting over myself

2011-03-26T21:19:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I didn't die. Heaven help me if I ever get anything more serious than a colonoscopy prep gone awry. I have to prep again tomorrow for the other test, but my doc assures me it will be a piece of cake compared to the first one (except for the not eating part).

She also told me I could have taken my migraine medicine, even during the clear liquids, no meds part of the prep (good to know) and she could have given me something for the nausea (ditto). I promised her I would text her if I needed to.

Enough. I'll just be glad when my colon recovers and I'm back to normal.

I've been cleaning house today, enjoying the company of my grandson, and getting ready for hosting bunco at my house on Wednesday. I restricted the blind, deaf pug to the kitchen because he a) gets in the way when I'm cleaning and b) gets everything dirty within minutes. I felt bad, but after scrubbing his face prints off of all the walls for the second time in a week, I'm not exaggerating when I say it's like having a toddler with sticky, chocolate fingers running around. He's asleep on R's lap right now. I wish I could get him to sleep during the day but if he knows we're home he spends his time searching for us.....and running into walls.

I had a couple of old watercolors re-matted and they were delivered by our friend the frame shop/gallery owner today. They turned out AWESOME. The paintings belonged to a friend of the family and I really liked them but I hated the old mats. They were a dark purple. Yeah, I know. Now the mats work with the paintings and also work with the oil painting I paired with them. A complete improvement.

Getting into the Elite Eight and the whole basketball thing. R and I made our annual bets on each round, and I have been kicking his butt. He is already mathematically eliminated from winning the overall title. I should have poured some of my good pick energy into lottery numbers or something a little more lucrative than $1.00 per round and $5.00 for the overall.

State refund showed up in the mail today. Sweet.

On a scale from one to ten....

2011-03-23T14:49:00.000-05:00

....with ten being the worst day....yesterday was a nine and a half.

I started out thinking I could handle everything but it became clear very early that my body had a mind of its own. When the day started off with a splitting headache, I knew it would be rough. I had wrapped up my rounds of steroids on Monday and had read a little about steroid withdrawal but figured I'd be okay since I'd tapered according to directions, right? Instead I woke up with a headache, shaky, and felt like my brain was unattached. Normally I would handle that with a dose of migraine medicine and a meal, but I was on prep day for my colonoscopy so I couldn't take medications or eat, and could only drink clear liquids. I prepared some lemon jello cups, purchased some small bottles of Sprite, and tucked a few tea bags and bouillon cubes into my purse and set off for day one of the leadership practices course I'm taking over the next few Tuesdays.

I then spent the next eight hours with a progressively worsening migraine, nausea, and nothing I could do about it. While I'm trying to pay attention to the class which was really informal and nice, I'm rubbing my throbbing head and trying not to throw up. It turns out a neighbor was attending too, so he asked if I could give him a ride home. "Sure!" I said while seriously wondering if I could make it home without vomiting in my car.

I don't know how bad I looked. I hope I looked a little bad so they wouldn't think the person who was there yesterday was the normal me. I can't wait to look and feel better next week when I go again.

Anyhoo, I make it home without barfing. I pulled my car into the driveway, shut it off, and left it there without parking it in the garage. I didn't even pull it in all the way so it looked more abandoned than parked. I didn't care because I just needed to get in the house. I went inside and held my head and put a cold washcloth on my neck. Then I went straight up to bed to try to rest before I have to begin THE PREP.

At 6:00 I prepare and begin to take my first 32-oz dose of colon cleanser. I need to drink 8 ounces every 15 minutes, then for the next hour drink 16 oz of water. Then do it all again with another 32-oz dose. What happened was I drank 8 ounces, then 4 ounces, then threw it up, then 4 ounces, then 8 ounces, then 8 ounces, then the 16 ounces of water, then 4 ounces, then threw it up, then 4 ounces, then 8 ounces, then 8 ounces, then threw it up, then gave it up. I did all of this in the middle of a migraine meltdown where I had no relief from the pain or the nausea.

As you can imagine, it was not a very successful prep. I knew some of the stuff got where it needed to be because things were cleaning out, but I also know it needed to be MUCH cleaner. I had nothing left to draw on physically, so I went to bed. I spent the entire night getting up to pee (I guess something stayed down) and trying to find a comfortable position for my migraine. There wasn't one.

This morning I was still a little nauseated and my head throbbed. R took me to the colonoscopy and I told them I wasn't sure THE PREP had been as successful as needed. I also told them I was battling a migraine and nausea and yada yada yada. The doctor went ahead and I guess got to see most of what he needed to see but found scar tissue that he couldn't get around so now I'm scheduled for a barium enema next week.

When I got home I went straight to bed and crashed for probably 3 hours. It was wonderful and I felt so much better when I woke up. My headache is now a dull pain (they told me the demerol would probably kick it) and I ate some lunch. And here I am.

I know the colonoscopy is a good preventative test to have and I'm glad I have the opportunity and health coverage so I can have it done, but DANG! It sucked! Let's hope I'll be experiencing some dementia by the time I need one again so I don't remember how bad I felt.

Pumped me up

2011-03-17T20:36:00.000-05:00

I'm on the back half of my steroid doses, and they are tapering off as steroids apparently need to do. I can't say I hated the energy they gave me. I was a whirling dervish of accomplishments the past week, and if I could bottle it I would. Then I'd call it steroids or something like that.

But, I DID hate what they appear to be doing to my body. I feel full somehow, or bloated, or something I can't put my finger on. My clothes are tight. I don't feel like I'm eating more, but my body seems to think I am. I wake up a couple of times a night to pee. My face is fuller (probably looks better actually) but my WAIST is RIDICULOUS. It looks like a spare tire settled in above my belt line, and that spare tire is choking me. R says he doesn't notice it but I can feel it. I've got less than a week left and the dose is diminishing so I hope things settle down soon.

They did help me though. I really am better than I was, and I'm convinced better than I would have been if I hadn't done anything. It's probably a good thing steroids have serious side effects or warnings or everyone would be taking them. I know I'd consider it.

Now I've got to get something else done. Make hay while the sun shines and all that.

Set my sights

2011-03-14T21:07:00.000-05:00

I think I have mentioned before that I am a little obsessive and anal. I don't think I'm over the top, but if we're considered to be leaning a direction I'm tipping that way.

One of my stresses are things that need repairing or fixing or completing. I have a lot about my house that I love and a lot that worries me. It's an old house, probably around 75 years or so, and it's a challenge to keep it in reasonable repair. We've done lots to the house and have made tons of repairs and even some improvements, but one of the worst things about it is the basement. It's dank and leaky and musty. There are cracks and water stains on the walls and new ones seem to be cropping up all of the time. It's an event when it rains around here because it almost always involves basement clean up. I hate waking up at night and hearing it rain hard, because I lie in bed worrying about what we'll wake up to.

If we had a ton of money we would pay to have the walls down there repaired, but our house would never absorb that cost. Besides, we don't have a ton of money. I've been after R to work on it with some waterproof concrete patch we got from a friend who said it was recommended by his handyman/carpenter. That was a couple of years ago, and it's been bugging me since. Not him, apparently. Just me. Last weekend I brought it up again, but this time I told him I didn't want him to look at the whole job and the whole mess down there and instead should focus on a small part and see what happens. We have a tiny room under our garage that we call the "still room" (because the house was reportedly built by a bootlegger and there is a vat in there that was used to brew hooch -- along with a manhole to the garage so transactions could be done in private). It is leaking water from the outside garage wall and it appears to be getting worse. Since the room is small, it's not an overwhelming task to make repairs in there, to repaint the walls and the floor, and just see if we can make a difference. The garage floor above is in good shape, but when my car is parked in there with any snow or salt on it, it melts and leaches through and I think is beginning to cause damage. So I also got some concrete sealer to use to clean up the garage floor and seal it good so it won't leak through to the basement.

Somehow, finally it made sense to him when I broke it into smaller pieces, so last weekend he started the project. It's already made me feel better to see it started, and I'm hopeful it will improve the situation. I know the basement will never be beautiful, and I have never cared about that. I'm just aiming for pretty dry. I've set my sights on pretty dry, which I think is pretty reasonable, don't you?

And then I'm going to focus on the rotting window sills....

Medicated

2011-03-11T18:23:00.000-06:00

I had lunch with my doctor (friend) yesterday, and she heard me cough. She immediately asked me about it and I dismissed it as the remnants of a cold. Then I coughed some more and she inquired again. I told her I was okay, that I only coughed when I talked, went outside, or moved. So basically I'm good. When she found out I missed two days of work she asked why I didn't call her.

Who calls the doctor for a cold? She told me I was crazy.

When I couldn't stop coughing, she said she was going to send me out some prescriptions to help me get past my typically lengthy recovery period. I am now on antibiotics, an inhaler, and steroids.

So when I charted the steroid doses, I discovered I'd be taking my last one on the day before my colonoscopy. That was a little concerning because A) I'm only allowed clear liquids on the day before and the steroids have to be taken with food; and B) I wasn't sure if they would affect the colonoscopy adversely in any way. I called the doctor's office that will do the colonoscopy and she said it was okay to keep the appointment. In fact, I can take my last pill early on the last day with a glass of milk and something bland because she said the steroids will need something to digest? I might have that wrong, but at least I can finish up the steroids because they give dire warnings about missing doses and stuff like that. I even set the alarm clock on my phone to remind me so I don't miss a dose. The warnings scared me.

Also on the last day I am scheduled to start a leadership seminar my bosses are sending me to. It's a retreat, team-building kind of thing that I think I'll enjoy. Apparently they serve good food....which I won't be able to eat. Should I call ahead and request they make a pan of plain jello? I need to read my prep instructions. Maybe I can tuck a couple of bouillon cubes in my purse and ask for hot water.

Yesterday morning I dubbed R with the nickname "Fogie." I'm pretty sure that karma has officially bit me back on that one.

Sickly

2011-03-07T18:40:00.000-06:00

Today was another sick day home from work. If anyone at the office is doing the math, I was out Friday and Monday which means I was sick all weekend. I would appreciate a measure of sympathy in any way, shape or form.

I dutifully avoided them all day so tonight I'm enjoying a little bowl of dark chocolate M&M's. I have these tiny little prep bowls that make awesome M&M's receptacles. I had chicken and black bean burritos left over from last week so that was supper. With my cold (or whatever the heck it is -- flu? plague? lung-eating virus?) I couldn't really taste the burrito but the M&M's are getting through. Note to self: feed a cold DARK CHOCOLATE...and starve a fever.

I'm having trouble sleeping what with all of the coughing and hacking going on. Today I thought I even felt a little earache but I don't feel it now. I do believe I coughed up a piece of lung earlier today but I didn't send it to pathology or anything. So let's just say I did.

I'm working on a couple of baby blankets. It seems like there are a large number of acquaintances repopulating the planet, but that's how it usually is. We come from large families and have a lot of good friends. Thankfully, the babies are all a generation removed -- no one my age is being that crazy.

I think I forgot to mention that I got word from my doctor's office that it is official: I am in menopause! I tell you what, if I wasn't I would be worried. Hot flashes are my biggest symptom but I can't say I hate them. I enjoy finally being warm, if only for a minute at a time.

I'm wearing out, so back to working on the baby blanket and dozing. I'll let you know if I'm ever well again.

Rain

2011-03-04T19:46:00.000-06:00

Today was a rainy, dreary, miserable day. My uncle passed away this week and the funeral was today. I got sick yesterday and ended up missing everything because I didn't want to give my virus to everyone else. I missed seeing my cousins and my family because of an upper-respiratory infection. R closed up his shop and went to everything, offering condolences for both of us.

The rain outside is exactly how I feel inside: gloomy.

My mother is now the last sibling of the original eight. She's relatively healthy and upbeat and has a good mind. She does crossword puzzles daily, sends e-mails to family and a host of friends, and is busy now with her new retirement community. I'm proud of her and her ability to make a life and roll with the punches.

When her first sister died, she was only around 40. The rest of the siblings lived to their 80's and 90's, as did my grandparents. I believe my mother could go into her 100's. She had an aunt who lived to 105.

My cousins have been in contact with my mother, especially as their own parents pass away. I think it's really nice of them and it makes her feel needed. I really do have a great family.

But on this gloomy day, with my aching muscles and wheezing chest, with my fatigue and headache, I'm in my own little pity party. I'm disappointed I didn't get to see everyone, and pay my respects. Tomorrow R is heading off to see our youngest and his family and I'll be staying home to do some more recovering and catch up a little around here. I don't think it will be warm enough, but I'd love to open up the house and air it out a little. We're supposed to have supper with friends and I'm thinking I'll be good by then. The pity party will be over.

That's a big negatory...

2011-03-01T18:15:00.000-06:00

The word finally came down today about the other position, and as the title of this post reveals it was a big negatory. Actually, I believe it was close and a really tough decision for them, but they went another way.

I am a little disappointed but also relieved. At the moment they were getting ready to tell me their answer, I thought to myself, "I hope they say no."

Now that was a completely unconscious, subconscious thought, but I think it revealed a lot. I was excited about the prospect but not really looking forward to the change and to the added stress.

So what did I do? I went to the director in my office (my boss's boss) and told him I didn't get the position. Then I told him we needed to visit about my compensation because we both knew I am undercompensated for the amount of work I do. He smiled and nodded. I told him I'd give him a few days to get his ducks in a row and then we could meet.

This girls's got some balls!

Gotta give credit

2011-02-26T18:44:00.000-06:00

I've gotta give some credit to my mother, who recently moved to a one-bedroom apartment in a retirement plaza. We are still cleaning out her house, sorting things to sell or give away or toss. We hope to put the house on the market soon so we need to have the stuff inside of it cleared out.

My little sister and I have been helping with the sort, along with my mom. What I have found is that she is remarkably ready to part with the things that remain in her house, whether she wants to give it away or sell it, it doesn't matter. Her apartment is furnished with her most special things and she is happy to see the rest take up special places in the homes of her children.

I watched her look at items and say that this would be good for this person or that person, or she'll tell me where she got it and why it's special. Occasionally she says she doesn't care who gets it but it shouldn't be sold because the item has such sentimental value or family history. But I've never seen her torn over keeping or not keeping something for herself. She is simply ready to give it up.

R and I were talking about it today and realized how "best case scenario" this situation is. Once my mom made her decision she hasn't looked back. We haven't had to talk her down or hold her hand or tell her again why things are this way. She's just gone with it, which has made our job so much easier. I am so grateful.

While she has some things that have some value, there are no Renoirs or Stickleys. This means that most of what she has would sell for nominal amounts, but some of it holds immeasurable sentimental value for us. And there are enough of those items to go around for every member of the family. I feel so lucky.

Today I brought home a couple of things that were my grandmothers'. Two crock bowls and a depression glass bowl. Plus a small silhouette of a little girl playing laundry and hanging it on the line. Mom said it hung in her mother's laundry room and later on when she got it she hung it in her laundry room too. I hung it in my kitchen since my laundry room is in the basement (and isn't a room but an area). And I'll think of my grandmas every time I see them. How can that be anything but special?

New subject

2011-02-22T20:59:00.000-06:00

I'm officially not talking about not hearing anything about the job that I'm probably not going to get. On to bigger and better things....

I had my annual medical exam yesterday. Here is a direct quote from my doctor after she looked at the results of my blood work: "You are never going to die."

I know, right?

She can say that to me because she's a friend. I'm pretty sure she wouldn't say that to her other non-friend patients. But my numbers were awesome, she was pleased with my weight loss, and I don't have any real complaints. I believe I'm due for a colonoscopy, but I need to check my records before I schedule it. She's checking my hormones to see if I can qualify for a bone density scan to check for osteoporosis (insurance rules -- menopausal) and I'm due for a mammogram. Good lord! She also wants me to see an opthalmologist to see if I can get something done about my eyes. I'm not holding my breath on that one, but she told me she ended up with lens implants (because she had cataracts) that left her without glasses. And it was mostly covered by insurance. So what the heck.

I'm taking a little break from thinking about it though. That's a lot of old lady tests to wrap my head around.

Anything?

2011-02-21T20:28:00.000-06:00

Nada.

Job update...

2011-02-17T18:55:00.000-06:00

....there is no word yet. Can you freakin' believe it?

Unimaginable

2011-02-16T18:28:00.000-06:00

I attended the funeral of a 22-year old today. She died of colorectal (colon) cancer. She was diagnosed about a year ago, which was unthinkable. Now she's gone, and those of us who are parents of young adults find what her family is going through to be unimaginable.

I have to say something about the Catholic church: they know how to do funerals. There is some comfort in the ceremony and the tradition of a Catholic funeral, which is full of meaning for those who understand and witness the rites. Today I attended with a non-Catholic co-worker and she was asking questions. I believe she appreciated it for its beauty and I remembered at my father's funeral I appreciated the ceremony.

The priest was relatively young. I had never attended one of his services, but I knew his family. He somehow managed uplifting at a time most of us were in pain over the loss. And it didn't even seem strange. I have no idea how he did it, except that he also lost a sister to cancer at a young age, so he brought cred to the sermon.

The family was one we knew from church, from when our children attended grade school together, and later from my work (the mother and I both work at the university). Sometimes, don't you wish you could find the right words of comfort? All I could do was be there to honor their daughter.

It made for a very exhausting and challenging day. I wish them peace.

Dilemma

2011-02-14T18:41:00.000-06:00

I had my evaluation at work last week, and it went well. My boss gave me a good evaluation (as good as he gives which is a little suppressed because he doesn't want to get carried away and have our merit raises get out of hand) and his boss even augmented it with comments and another performance category. My boss knows about my application with the other department, and he told me he had visited with his boss about it and if I am extended an offer his boss wants to visit with me first.

They want to keep me by offering me more money if needed. I was not expecting it nor was I angling for it, and this is my dilemma: how do I handle it if I receive an offer?

I never intended to force their hand, and never imagined the possibility of me leaving would do that. I don't want to be that person, but now if I get an offer I will be. I'm flattered and a little stressed about it. I had made my decision to leave and now it's muddied.

Oh well, maybe I won't get an offer and it will be easy, right? Stay tuned.

Blooming

2011-02-09T21:43:00.000-06:00

I took a non-blooming African violet to work a couple of months ago and put it in my window. It is now LOADED with blooms, drawing oohs and aahs from everyone that sees it. Apparently, I had stifled its will to bloom by keeping it in my kitchen window which faces east but is shaded by the house next door. I figured it would just be happy with the effort, but apparently not. Now it has exploded, releasing all of its pent-up blooming ability.

I feel a little bad that it spent so many years wanting to bloom, probably wanting water, and certainly wishing for a little fertilizer....

No word yet on the other position. I'm pretty sure they're conducting interviews all week and perhaps into next week. My office there would have NO windows and actually very little natural light even coming through the door, so that would be tough to give up. I believe my African violet would run away before making that move.

I'm fasting tonight (hope I don't forget) so I can have blood work done tomorrow. I have a doctor appointment coming up in about 10 days. Hope my numbers are good. I had a margarita, chips and salsa and cheese dip last night. Can that throw off your cholesterol or is it more of an cumulative thing? We'll see.

Thank goodness for Goodwill

2011-02-05T18:34:00.000-06:00

Today I tackled a couple of shelving sections in the basement that held, among other things, items intended for a garage sale. I hate having garage sales, and it annoys me to save up things for an annual or biennial summer event which creates long-term storage problems in exchange for an eventual couple of bucks. One day it hit me, I could donate the stuff to Goodwill at any time of the year, eliminating the storage issues. True, I would forego the piles of cash I could earn at a garage sale, but since that pile would normally fit in a custard cup, it's not a great economic sacrifice.

R went into his shop today to do a job, and since we caught up bookwork last night I decided to work on the purge. I focused on an area of shelves that had the most "garage sale" storage on them, but nabbed a couple of other things that were readily apparent. Our old luggage for one thing, and a wobbly plant stand that I was always worried would fall on grandkids. While I worked I piled everything in the middle of the floor, and when he finished R brought boxes home from his shop. We had it all boxed up, loaded in his van, and delivered to Goodwill before lunch.

I must admit to talking myself through the process while employing some tips and mantras used in Hoarders or Clean Sweep. One, if I forgot I had it, I probably wouldn't miss it. If I hadn't used it in a year or two, I probably wouldn't use it. If I had another one, I probably didn't need this one (especially true of the overabundance of vases I accumulated). If I found I did need it after getting rid of it, I would probably still be able to get another one.

One of the few things I held on to was a flower pot that I think I remember my mother saying was my grandmother's. I still struggle with getting rid of anything with a history beyond my own, although the wobbly plant stand was originally my aunt's. It wasn't really that old and wasn't terribly well made so it was not too hard to get rid of.

I've also been searching eBay for a little info on some of the pieces I have collected. I was looking at depression glass and surprisingly found my old citrus reamer (juicer) pictured. I had bought it at a garage sale years ago for probably 50 cents, and this seller was calling it depression glass and priced at $45.00. Huh? I had shoved it in a bottom drawer in my kitchen and used it when I needed fresh lemon or orange juice for a recipe. I never thought it was depression glass because it is clear, but I guess not all depression glass is colored. (Or maybe the eBay seller is a liar?) At any rate I cleaned it up and have a new appreciation for the style behind it. It's really kind of pretty.

I have more stuff to purge, but it makes me feel lighter and freer to get rid of things. When we finished dropping the stuff off at Goodwill, R asked me if I wanted to go inside and look around. I told him I thought it was a bad idea to drop off and pick up in the same trip. We were trying to make progress after all.

Depleted

2011-02-03T20:04:00.000-06:00

I'm worn to the bone. It's crazy, but it is absolutely exhausting to be "on" for 3 hours, interviewing, trying not to sound stupid, and all while looking my best. I wore my gray suit (and looked pretty fab) and although I started out a little nervous (typical for me) I settled in and think it went okay. I found out they have a pretty good pool of applicants so it's not a slam dunk for me. I think I'm cool with that, because I still like my job. Can't say I wouldn't be disappointed, but I'd get over it. I really think I'm one of those people who believes what happens will happen and if it should it will. I might not be quite that comfortable with fate, but I like to think I am. Eventually.

I slept horribly last night, fussing and thinking way too much. Finally realized I was actually aching and couldn't get comfortable so I woke up R who got me a couple of Advil. I know that is RIDICULOUS that I woke him up, but I've always been something of an idiot in the middle of the night, and he is remarkably generous at that time. Works out well for me, right?

After two snow days and a half day's interview I was finally back at my desk this afternoon trying to play catch up. I managed to slog through it and am in pretty good shape. That will help me sleep better I think.

I was so busy that I didn't come home for lunch but instead got a candy bar, a bag of chips, and a bottle of water out of the vending machine at work and ate in the break room for 20 minutes. That caused me to be ravenous for supper which consisted of a McSalad and small fries that R picked up for me. Not my best nutrition day but the body wants what it wants, right? Top it off with some white zin and dark chocolate M&M's and call it a day.

Our older cat is making me feel sad. When Little Mary died, I told R he needed to be sure Sweet Pea saw her and could smell her so she would know she died (Sweet Pea had been outside). I read once that's important. R didn't hear me and he took care of the body without making sure Sweet Pea smelled her. Now Sweet Pea seems a bit disoriented and concerned about where Marigold is. She spends a lot of her time crying out (she always was a loud cat), mewling loudly. Imagine a kitten, missing her mother (or someone important), carrying on in an adult cat voice. I'm not sure what to do for her.

I'm going to bed early tonight for sure. I have one more interview tomorrow with a mucky muck who ended up with a meeting with muckier mucks today at the time we were supposed to meet, and then I'm done. Biggest challenge? Looking good two days in a row.

I get it now

2011-02-01T18:38:00.000-06:00

I'm not sure I've ever understood the true definition of blizzard. Every time we'd have a lot of snow in a little while I figured it was a blizzard. The forecasters are calling our conditions a blizzard, a term rarely used here, and now I know why.

I had a snow day from work today and except for a morning dental appointment I stayed home. It was awesome and I stayed busy with a free day. I put off letting the pugs outside because I needed to shovel a place for them to do their business (my pugs don't like snow) but finally it became apparent they couldn't wait until R got home. I shoveled a path on the deck and cleared a space on the patio, then herded the blind pug out there. Before I could herd him back inside, the path was drifting over.

Then I got worried about R making it up our driveway, so I went out to shovel it before he got home. Holy crap! It was cold and blowing and a constant battle against the wind. I kept thinking this must be why people perish in the snow and I was glad I was only 20 feet from my front door. I still managed to get most of the driveway shoveled before he pulled up. I immediately went in the house because I was frozen. When I got my wet gloves and boots off, I found out my nose had been running and I didn't even know it. Gross.

Still, it was a good day. I found some cooked chicken and chicken stock in the freezer and had just enough semolina flour left to make a half batch of noodles so I pulled together a terrific pot of chicken noodle soup for supper. It could not have been more a more perfect meal on a ridiculously cold, blustery day. We also had some good bread to toast with it. Yum!

That's it. Maybe I'll have another snow day tomorrow which would be insane. I didn't catch up my bookwork today so I could do that and maybe some baking. Don't want to count my chickens though, so we'll see....

Crunch time

2011-01-30T19:42:00.000-06:00

I have my interview on Thursday morning. It's a three-hour interview and I'll meet with the staff of the Financial Aid office, the search committee, the director, and the director of enrollment. I'm beginning to get nervous but I'd just like to get it done. I looked for a new suit today but couldn't find anything I liked. I ended up just re-hemming one I bought a year ago that I had shortened in a hurry and never been totally satisfied with. The reason I hadn't done it properly is because today it took me an entire afternoon to shorten the sleeves and pants legs because it is fully lined. Now it looks pretty good and I made the pants a length that works with some lower heels I have that are way more comfortable and easier to walk in.

The word of my interview broke to the financial aid office last week. If nothing else happens, their response to the news was heartwarming. I had a couple of phone calls, I had one come down to see me and "go for a walk" so we could talk outside of the office. I had two of them stop by: one to check me out (I think I passed) and the other to tell me she was thrilled. I don't know if my office knows yet (other than my boss and a close friend) but word spreads quickly in a university so if they don't I imagine it's just a matter of time. Since my interviews will take place in the conference room RIGHT NEXT TO our office, I don't expect to keep it quiet any longer. Especially when I show up that day in a suit with newly adjusted hems.

I'm funny about interviews. I don't usually prepare unless you call making an effort to be myself, be honest, and pay attention a form of preparation. I usually interview well, but it's usually with one or two or three people, not an entire staff. I always try to look my best so I don't get self conscious, but this week my 53-year-old skin has decided to behave like I'm 13 and break out. Figures. I'm just going to have to hope all is well by Thursday but truth is I'm a slow healer (thank heavens for concealer). I do plan on reviewing the names of the FA office staff so I'm not fumbling for them, although I imagine I'm the only candidate who should know them. I'm absolutely horrible with names and faces, especially when there is more than one person who is blond in the 35 to 40 age range or something like that. I believe I'm actually mentally deficient in that area. At my job at the law firm, I was introduced on the same day to three attorneys who were in their mid 30's who were all brunette and wearing suits. It took me a week to get them straight. R can meet a person once and remember them for life. I would struggle to place them later that same afternoon.

Guess I'll close and check laundry. Then I think a hot bath is in order. I'll keep you posted.

Little Mary

2011-01-27T18:39:00.000-06:00

Our pretty little long-haired diluted calico, Marigold, passed away today. We called her Little Mary and she joined us after we lost our first cat, named Old Cat. None of us can remember when that happened, but my daughter was probably around 18 or 19 and she's 31 now so we've had her a while.

She was the definition of fraidy-cat, and hid and ran most of the time when she was unsure of who was coming and their motives. She was extraordinarily sweet and inexplicably in love with our black pug. She loved to be petted when she wasn't hiding and almost never meowed. She would just rub against you (and shed, unfortunately). Her best features were her amazing sea-green eyes...almost the color of green glass. And she carried her tail vertically for reasons unknown.

The worst mess she got into was when she stepped in a glue trap and dragged it up the basement stairs stuck to her foot and her butt. It took me a couple of hours and half a bottle of vegetable oil to get the stickiness out but man was she gorgeous when I was done. Fluffy and soft and completely groomed.

We didn't take any measures to prolong or end her life, mostly because it was her nature to not like anyone else around. Most people didn't even know we had a second cat, so it seemed unfair to drag her to the vet and put her through that stress. I decided that passing away quietly at home would be best for her. Of course if she was in pain we would have had to do something else, but she didn't appear to be.

Yesterday my middle son was over and saw that she wasn't doing well (she's been failing for a couple of weeks) so he wrapped her in a towel and just held her. It was tender and touching and I am so glad he did it. Today when I came home for lunch she was clearly failing fast and was on our basement floor on an old towel. I covered her up and petted her and told her it was okay and she could let go. When I got home tonight I couldn't bring myself to go to the basement but R checked on her when he got home and she was gone. I hope it was peaceful and she was warm. Goodbye our sweet Little Mary.

Interview

2011-01-25T19:27:00.000-06:00

I got a call today and I have an interview next week for the other job. I then had to tell my boss about it, because it's kind of hard to hide the fact you're away from your desk for an entire morning (the interview is from 8:30 to 11:30) but remain in the same building. Weird thing -- he didn't react the way I thought he would. I have been unable to put my finger on it, but it was not as if he expected to hear it yet he did not appear to be caught off guard.

Then he told me he had noticed I had ordered transcripts which is just weird. True, I ordered transcripts to submit with my resume but there was nothing to alert him to that unless he got into my account and checked. I walked down to our Registrar's office and paid cash, so my name wouldn't appear on a check he was depositing. Now why would he be checking my account?

He also told me he had shared the fact I had ordered a transcript with his boss. Surely that's some sort of violation isn't it? Probably not, but it's still weird.

In the course of our conversation he pointed out that I'd be making a basically lateral move. I told him no, it wasn't really. He said the pay must be about the same, and I said no, it was considerably higher plus if I understood the description there would be some supervisory duties. He then lamented the fact that the department where I'm interviewing has higher pay grades than him for the same level of responsibility (I was wondering how he would make the conversation about him). I don't know what delusional ship he's been sailing, but his level of responsibility is not that high. And his level of personal responsibility is non-existent.

Finally he told me that he expected the other department would work with our department and allow me to transition to the position which I took to mean "work both jobs" until my replacement gets up to speed. I do believe he has no idea just how thoroughly he's pissed them off, and I'm guessing they'll tell him to take a flying leap but I could certainly be wrong about that.

But here we go and now we just have to hang on and see what happens. Yikes!

Bargain

2011-01-23T19:44:00.000-06:00

Sometime after Thanksgiving we bought a new set of luggage. Our old set had lost a couple of wheels which we found out when we took our trip to Florida in 2009. We had a heck of a time dragging the suitcases around the Ft. Lauderdale airport, and I'm sure looked like some pretty cheesy tourists.

After we got home, I looked at luggage on and off for a long time, trying to figure out pros and cons of different brands and styles. I also comparison shopped (to the minimal extent that I actually do that) and we ended up with three pieces of an American Tourister set we found at Sears. I felt a little bad about buying the luggage because it seemed like an extravagance that we didn't need or use that often. But then I applied for another job (I'm still waiting to hear more but my references were contacted last week) which has some travel. I figured the luggage purchase was fortuitous and maybe even good luck so I was okay with it.

We took a weekend trip earlier this month and used it for the first time. It's really great (well, as great as luggage can be I guess) but I found we missed having a small overnight/large cosmetics type bag for our toiletries. They didn't have one when we purchased the pieces and actually none come with the set so we've been trying to figure out what to do.

We shopped around some more and looked for something that would fit the bill but not clash with the rest of the set. I even looked online and bid $1.50 for a bag on eBay (didn't get it -- go figure). Yesterday we found ourselves at Burlington Coat Factory which is a place I rarely go. We're looking at the luggage and totes and a lady is looking closely at a brown bag, just the size and style I wanted. It was the only one on the shelf.

R and I stood very still. She was talking on her cell phone while looking closely at the bag. She continued talking and shelved it, then stepped away for a bit.

We pounced.

We opened the bag, found it to be the perfect size, color and everything else. Then we had to check the price: Suggested retail was $100.00. BCF price was $9.99. Score with a grand slam and a slam dunk!

When we brought it home we found the color matched perfectly with the rest of our set. In fact, it looks like it is part of the set. The size is exactly what I wanted. And except for the poor lady on the cell phone who wandered back to the shelf after finishing her conversation to buy the last brown bag, it was perfect.

Working stiff

2011-01-17T20:20:00.000-06:00

I have had trouble with my left shoulder and the left side of my neck getting stiff as I'm working more and am busier at work. Today was a day off from work but I had to catch up R's books and annual returns so I worked much of the day in my home office. And now I'm stiff. Do you think that's where the term working stiff came from? Probably not -- it predates computers.

I completed one contract job last weekend and I have one more to go. It's the big one that has 1099's, a 944 return, and W-2's. Yuck. At least there's a paycheck at the end of it.

I couldn't get excited about going out today so we ran a couple of errands tonight. Post office, bank, pharmacy, and fabric store. My son had called to see if I could pick up another yard of fabric they are using in my grandson's room because the shops near him ran out. He told me there were coupons in the paper and I told him I had some coupons so I was good. We went to the post office and mailed our annual returns and estimated taxes. We went to the bank and deposited a check through the ATM. We went to the pharmacy and picked up R's prescription. Then we went to the fabric store and I found the fabric, bought it, and came home. R was looking through coupons because I told him we need to tighten our belts a little and he found one for the fabric store for 50% off. He asked me about it and then I realized I forgot to use the one I had. Bless his non-judgmental heart, he then called the store and asked if he could bring our purchase back in and get the 50% off. They told him yes and off he went, not complaining in the least.

Sometimes I don't deserve that guy. Seriously.

Today after I worked in my office I worked on cleaning up some of the messes around here. I scrubbed my bathroom and then filled a bucket with cleaner and worked on the lower sections of our walls where our blind-deaf pug leaves his face prints as he bumps his way around. The lower sections look good but now you can see where I stopped so we clearly have to wash the upper sections too. Sigh. Maybe this weekend. I wanted to clean the refrigerator and vacuum the coils but ran out of steam. I did make some pepperoni bread for supper that was killer. Made some steamed broccoli to have with it. My recipe calls for using roll mix or frozen bread dough but I just made up a quick pizza dough and used that. It hit the spot.

I can't say I know much else. My neck hurts so I think I'll stop and reposition in a more comfortable way. I'm crocheting another snuggie and I may try to do a row or two on that. Back to work tomorrow, so I'll need to get a good night's rest. And on it goes.

Miscellaney

2011-01-13T20:32:00.000-06:00

Ideas for things to write about keep popping in and out of my head, but nothing's sticking to the wall. The weather is not just cold, it's frigid. My goals have been to keep warm, get from building or home to car as quickly as possible, and leave as much snow as I can outside. With such limited, single-minded goals, things don't bode well for making this an interesting post.

I'm re-reading a David Sedaris book. It's still as funny as the first time I read it. He always makes me laugh and leaves me a little disappointed that I can't write like him. How does a mind bend so hilariously? The truth is, I'm not completely without wit. In fact, among people I work with and in some social circles, I'm considered to be pretty funny. But that's only because they didn't grow up in my family. In my family I'm average to below average on the funny scale. Oh well.

Has it been a while since I made a list of annoyances? You're in luck, it's time for a new batch!

1. People who say something they think is funny and then laugh at it (usually it's not funny). I'm thinking of my boss here who believes he is hilarious. Plus his laugh is annoying.
2. People who fish for compliments. We all do it to some degree, but we also know people who do it way too often. Again, my boss comes to mind. He must be bugging me because he's turning up a lot in the list.
3. People who harp on the personality quirks of their boss, rather than just deal with it. I hate that (um....oops).
4. People who call and leave a voice mail and leave the important information in an unintelligible way. Like they say their name too quickly or their phone number is mumbled while doing something else or turning away from the phone. I get that a lot at work because people who are young enough to attend college are often not schooled in phone etiquette.
5. People old and curmudgeonly enough to use the term "phone etiquette".
6. Stupid songs that play instead of a ringtone when I return a call to a person's cell phone. So far the song has never been one that I know or care to know.
7. Cold french fries from McDonalds. They should always be piping hot. (Dang, now I want some.)
8. People that don't pick up their messes. Like when they drop something or spill something and don't clean it up. At the risk of violating annoyance number 3, I'll let you guess who I'm talking about.
9. People who don't think I'm fantastic. What's wrong with them?

That should do it. I'm sure I'll think of more later and they'll be beyond hilarious, but then I'll forget them immediately. You can chuckle at the prospect.

One giant leap

2011-01-09T20:43:00.001-06:00

I'm still learning about my phone, and was investigating some of the preloaded apps on it today when I figured out there is one that I can use to listen to podcasts (the app is called "Listen" and has a picture of headphones -- I'm not the sharpest tack). Now the only thing I know about podcasts is that they can be downloaded to i-pods, just like music. And the only podcast I have any memory of hearing about is "Wait Wait Don't Tell Me" that my daughter told me she listens to when she's running. So when I figured out what "Listen" was, I figured out how to subscribe to WWDTM and I queued up a half dozen or so. Then I subscribed to "This American Life" and queued up a few of those too. I'm on a roll.

So now I know how to subscribe to podcasts. Giant leap. But to my credit I've never had an i-pod so there is no reason for me to know how to use one.

Then I downloaded a stopwatch app which I used the other day to time R when he was running. Then I e-mailed his time to my son who is going to run a 5K with him later this year. I did all of this from my phone. My son e-mailed me back his own time -- presumably from his treadmill. I'm a little blown away.

I've been updating my address book (as time and my gimpy shoulder allows) in g-mail which feeds it into my phone. And my calendar has been providing me with reminders. I'm also texting like a grammatically correct pro, and my phone keeps me apprised of the temperature, the moon phase, and the daily Calvin and Hobbes comic strip. And let's face it, I have barely scratched the surface.

So the phone was a great gift and I'm still finding out new ways to enjoy it. One of the best things about it is that the apps are simple, straightforward, and designed for people who just want to use them. I like how it uses technology in a laid back way to make my life easier. And I like how I can be as casual or as intense as I want to be and still get what I need.

Who knew?

Updates

2011-01-06T20:58:00.000-06:00

An update on the potential job: The department let me know today that they will be contacting my references. That only means that I am being considered for an interview, and barring a really bad conversation with my references I should eventually get an interview. But it lets me know they are still working on the whole thing.

An update on our pet situation: One of our cats, the long-haired diluted calico, appears to be feeling poorly. It's happened before, but we're keeping an eye on her. Also, our blind, deaf pug fell down the basement stairs tonight. R was carrying down a new bag of dog food, and he opened the basement door, turned to close it behind him, and the dog went down before he got it shut. The pug slid almost to the bottom of the stairs before he tumbled off, but it appears he wasn't badly hurt. Still it makes us feel bad. Please don't call the ASPCA.

An update on the crippled shoulder/elbow/wrist: A co-worker recommended I try Biofreeze on my aching joints which is something I've never heard of. Turned out another co-worker had some in her desk, and she let me try it. It really felt good, and the first co-worker is going to pick me up some when she sees her hairdresser tonight because it isn't sold everywhere (and I have no explanation as to why it is sold at a beauty salon). The one I used was in a roll-on applicator and it went on kind of like a smooth, thin gel. Then it turned cold (there was a little bit of scent but it went away) and then it was warmer. It made my arm feel better immediately. I can't stand to put ice on my aches because it usually hurts, but this was comfortable. I doubt it would work in place of ice to reduce swelling, but it sure helped with my aches.

An update on R: He has decided to take up running again so he can whittle away at the remaining weight he needs to lose. He ran three nights this week. I will not be joining him, and we are both happy with that. I am just not a runner and when we tried to run together I just slowed him down.

And that's all the updates I have for now.

Crip

2011-01-05T20:53:00.000-06:00

I've had a ton of data entry since getting back to work and my left shoulder is hunched like Quasimodo's. My neck is tight, my elbow hurts, and my fingers somehow tingle and hurt at the same time. My right trigger finger aches from mouse clicks. Yep -- I'm old. And crippled.

I took a hot bath tonight to loosen up and I'm getting a keyboard tray moved to my desk at work. I used to have one but when I moved into a quieter corner that desk didn't have one. I tried to work without it but I'm afraid I'm nearly crippled for life so there you go.

For added fun, I may be hot flashing. I'm not sure because it's not really bothering me that much, but remember I'm cold 95% of the time so whatever is happening over the past few weeks is just causing me to average more towards normal. I'll keep you posted. (If you read comics, read the Zits comic that ran in today's paper and think of me. Well, me without a teenager in the house.)

I haven't heard anything about the job yet, but since I work there I know that those wheels grind very, very slowly. I'm not worried but if I was applying from the outside I might be stressing a little. Our office has already had a little upheaval when one of our hourly people took another job (outside the university). She was a smart person and could work hard but had a bad habit of spending way too much time on personal calls and visiting with our receptionist. That didn't bug me so much until she'd complain about being too busy. Beg pardon? But one of the hardest things about working with her was that she was younger than my daughter (by a year) but acted older than me (by far). And she would go to Tea Party rallies. Gad.

I had an African violet in my kitchen window for the longest time that never bloomed (well, not since I bought it when it was blooming). I finally moved it to another window and....nothing. A few weeks ago, I brought it to my office and put it on my windowsill. I just found a bud. (Plant) life is good.

Okay, I'm sure an editor or writing professor would chastise me for my overuse of parentheses in this post (but let's face it, the whispering aside that's implied is charming) so I guess I'd better wrap up. I don't really have a topic anyway, just a crippled hand and sweaty feet. Ta!

Backlash

2010-12-30T18:08:00.000-06:00

I've had a weird backlash to cleaning out my Mom's house after her move. Because I've gone through so many drawers and folders and closets and boxes, and because I've brought some of the more sentimental stuff home to my house, I feel the need to clear out some of my own drawers and folders and closets and boxes. I spent a good part of the day cleaning up my home office, filing stuff dating back to last summer, tossing stuff that needed to be tossed, and rearranging stuff for better use or access. I love that kind of work.

I had saved the day so I could do this, but I didn't know how long it would take. I started by moving my iron and ironing board from my office closet to my bedroom closet for two reasons: 1. There is more room in there to set it up and use it, and 2. There is an outlet in my bedroom closet. Moving it in there meant moving a couple of things out, which are now in the upstairs hallway awaiting a big strong man to carry them out.

Then I had to shuffle photos and things hanging on the walls. I took lots of photographs out of frames so I can put them in albums and get rid of the frames. I reframed or replaced them with other things that are more up to date. And since this past year I finally finished putting the photos (in order) in albums, it won't be hard to accommodate the extra photos.

I caught up some bookwork and some filing and I dusted shelves in there that were absolutely filthy. I got rid of stuff to sell or donate and cleaned out the drawers in my sewing machine. Yesterday I cleaned out my button box (who DOES that?) and took all of the spare buttons out of the little zip lock bags. I moved the contents to my mother's old button basket which is more awesome and antique-y than mine. And roomier. I cleaned out old fabric and patterns. And today I bought little scissors to put in my crochet bag that have a cover on the tip so I don't get stabbed.

So now, if I want to work or sew or crochet or iron, I have a tidy space, helpful tools, and a convenient outlet at hand. That leaves no excuse for not getting things done. At least no good excuse.

And now I need a little nap. Ta!

Done

2010-12-28T20:37:00.000-06:00

We wrapped up our Christmas yesterday, enjoying the kids and grandkids until we were all as spent as a quarter in a casino. R and I nodded off through whatever was on TV last night, dragged ourselves up to bed, and dragged ourselves out of bed today so R could go to work and I could start my day and tackle my list for my week off.

We walked this morning and then I took down the tree. I know it's kind of fast since we only had our Christmas yesterday, but I have my quirks and one of them is getting things that bug me out of the way so I can do other things. I have no idea how I managed it, but I undecorated it and then was able to disassemble the tree and haul it downstairs. That thing is heavy! I was just more determined than it was.

I also cleaned and swept since we had all of the traffic and an extra animal and there was lots of fur, dirt, and artificial tree crumbs. Now my house is clean, my furniture is back in place, the decorations are boxed and returned to their shelves, and that, my friend, is relaxing to me.

I made a list of things to get done this week and crossed off maybe four of them today. I still need to clean my office upstairs but I caught up R's books and got some legal work done. I got a package boxed and mailed with the help of a friend who was sending something to the same friend, and I washed the guest room sheets. We found R a desk calendar for 2011. I found a b-day gift for another friend, we returned a DVD that we received three of (don't ask -- the story behind it highlights the colossal amount of stupidity in our house), and we picked up another file box for my mom's papers that she'll keep at her new place. Tomorrow my sister and I will meet at mom's to do some more sorting. I'm keeping Thursday to clean my office and maybe take myself out for lunch. Friday is open. Saturday we're staying at a hotel and just chilling. And then, my vacation will be done.

And by that time, I'll be ready for it to be over. I'm pretty sure what keeps me motivated is the time frame in which I am working. If I was on a permanent vacation, I would have no incentive to make a list and cross off completed items. I work better with a deadline (and no Christmas decorations cluttering up my house).

Could I be more compulsive? Probably, but this is enough for now.

Should be

2010-12-23T20:54:00.000-06:00

I'm sitting around goofing off a bit, but still feel like I've got enough time to catch up later. I'm off tomorrow, and will remain off until January 3. That is an incredible stretch of time for me to have off with nothing to do but Christmas. Hence the goofing off.

I should be catching up R's books, wrapping, or something productive, but I'm tired and my eyes burn and my glasses need a good wiping. I made a loaf of cranberry bread and I'm sure it's fine even though the bottom of it stuck inexplicably to the pan. I sprayed it with no-stick spray, so I don't know what happened. I'll just cover the bottom of the pieces when I slice it. R just got back from the grocery store and said it was MAYHEM. I should get down on my knees and be thankful I didn't have to go. I hope we didn't forget anything because I'm not going out there.

I made a list of the things I need to make, fix or bake. It's not too bad, but there are other events interspersed. I just didn't want to forget something (hence the list...).

I had a lady in another department thank me for some work I did on a project for online deposits. I was included in the project as an afterthought but it turned out I was the only person on the project who actually understood the accounting and function behind the deposits in our accounting software. And my boss was included in it. In fact, he screwed up some of the detail codes (that I discovered and had him fix) and then didn't complete all of the information in the production database (that I discovered and had him complete). I swear he would have given the entire project a green light while blindly throwing off accounts right and left. I honestly am not sure how he can call himself an accountant (a badge he wears with unfortunate pride) and be so unclear on how the university's system works. And then he goes on his merry way, telling people he solved the online deposit issues, and in his heart of hearts he believes it to be true.

I do believe his two greatest assets are his stupidity and his unwavering belief that he is brilliant.

Wow. That's got to be the greatest freaking observation I've ever made. I'm going to quit now while I'm ahead, but if you discover that I've simply paraphrased someone else's quote, don't tell me. I would also like to have (at least for a little while) the unwavering belief that I am brilliant.

True to form

2010-12-18T22:15:00.000-06:00

I have always had the unfortunate habit of tackling the most unimportant, non-urgent, and time-consuming tasks when I have a lot to do. This is the last weekend before Christmas, so I found myself organizing my mother's investment and IRA files that I took so I could calculate her minimum distribution for the year. We bought a file box, and I went through the folders page by page. They were filed haphazardly which is unacceptable for the accountant and former secretary in me. Now it's all good.

Is the baking done? Nope. Is the wrapping done? It's started but far from done. Is the tree up? Yes, but only partially decorated. Is the laundry done? No, but some of it is. Is the house clean? Not even close.

It doesn't matter though, because that's how I operate. I need some stupid task to get me moving onto tasks that I really should be doing. I must have some mental twitch that makes me do this, but it doesn't really hurt I guess. I almost always get done what I need to get done, and what I don't do usually doesn't matter.

My middle son turns 30 this week. Poor kid has an poorly-timed birthday but his tolerant nature has never resented it. I often catch myself thinking "Oh yeah, I've got to buy a birthday gift too!" but I never actually forgot the day. I spent Christmas Day in the hospital when he was born, which was probably one of the quietest, most peaceful Christmases I ever spent. He was brought to me in a red and white striped stocking. I still have the stocking somewhere but did not remember to take his picture in it at the time. I guess I've always been a little spacey...

I started wrapping tonight and can't find any gift tags. We also have very few bows that aren't smashed and our wrapping paper is thin and tears easily. If I was the kind of person that cared about gift wrapping, I'd be appalled. Good thing I'm not. I like it when other people do a nice job of wrapping gifts, I just don't do it myself.

Tomorrow we're celebrating my younger sister's 50th birthday. I'm bringing some things to the party, so I'll have to get an early start with the baking. I did get her gifts wrapped (in Christmas paper, sorry to say) so that's done. I forgot to buy a card unless I can find one up in my desk. Let's hope I bought one in a flash of foresight.

Nuff for now. I'm tired.

Closer

2010-12-16T18:58:00.000-06:00

We're getting closer to Christmas, I'm getting closer to vacation, and I'm closer to being done with the big preparations. Yeah, no baking, no wrapping, no decorating. But I'm pretty sure my shopping and gift selections are done. I don't want to peak too early.

We had our office holiday luncheon today -- a taco bar. It was tasty, friendly, and fun. I made Spanish rice (from a package) that hit the spot. I also had my bunco holiday dinner last Tuesday. Tasty, friendly, fun. All in all, good holiday events.

Did I mention that I got a haircut? It's great, a lot shorter, really layered, and everyone seems to like it. More than one person told me it makes me look younger. My theory is that my old hair was heavy and pulling down my face. This lighter version doesn't weigh me down. It's just a theory....

I should hear something soon if I get an interview for the job in the other department. The search committee was meeting today. I keep working and wondering how I'm ever going to be able to show my boss how to do my job, but it's also forcing me to document or update my documentation of procedures which is never a bad thing. Still, you never know how much you do until you begin to examine every task.

I had a salad and baked potato for supper so I think a little dish of dark chocolate M&M's is in order. I'm sneezing again, and it darn well better be due to feeling chilled because if I have another cold I'll be really pissed. My boss has been coughing and hacking and carrying on for about a week. We're all getting tired of hearing it, but I'm sure he's as tired of it as the rest of us.

Okay, R is working and I'm goofing off so I'd better go get busy. I've got to work on his books. And those M&M's aren't going to dish themselves.

Random

2010-12-13T21:20:00.000-06:00

I'm pretty well now, and am sleeping better. R isn't coughing much and is also sleeping better which helps me sleep better. Man, life can take a spiral when you're tired. Note to self: when tired get rest.

Work is back in full swing again and that's going okay. I have ten more days before I'm off for our winter break and the thought of it makes my stomach flutter. Isn't that dopey? I loves me a good vacation. (Please God, don't let me crack another tooth, or have a toilet stop up, or any of the other things that happened last year....)

R is trying hard to lose some weight, and has decided to step it up and start running again. He'd like to do another 5K which would be great. He runs better than I do, which isn't saying much actually, but at least he tries. I'm proud of him for trying. He's struggling with the fact that it's harder for him to lose weight than it used to be, but that's how it is for all of us.

We haven't done any decorating, baking, wassailing, or anything else a household might do for Christmas. We have done some shopping, but that's about it. We think we'll put the tree up this week or this weekend.

My sister turns 50 this week and her party is Sunday. I'm helping with it so will need to make a few things. Can I call that my Christmas baking?

I don't have anything else to say because I'm distracted with watching Hoarders. I believe I would qualify for a show about having ADD when Hoarders is on. I really just want to get in there and clean up after some of these hoarders but honestly I think they may be too filthy even for me (who likes a challenge).

The washer dinged -- gotta go move a load over. Ta!

Fatigue solution

2010-12-07T20:45:00.000-06:00

The obvious answer to the title of this post is "rest". But I had a laptop (appropriately perched on my lap), no interest in following closely "Home Alone 2 -- Lost in New York", and I needed a little something to pick me up and give me something to anticipate. So I read an e-mail with hotel and package deals in a nearby city, checked them out, found a better (albeit non-refundable deal), and booked it for January 1, 2011. 01-01-11. I think it's a great plan and I'm ready.

So even though I'm tired and a bit OCD and I ache from head to toe, I've got a plan and that plan involves relaxing and pampering and shopping if I want to and eating without question. And breakfast is included. Score!

Fatigue disease

2010-12-07T18:54:00.000-06:00

I feel as if I've been tired for the past few decades. I always feel that way when I'm really tired, as I am now. I've had a cold and am not yet completely recovered -- so that wears me out. R coughs when he goes to bed and keeps me up until he gives up and goes into the guest room -- so that wears me out. Last night he fell asleep with the TV on and it woke me up -- so that wears me out. My shoulders are locked in a permanent hunch and are in pain but I'm not sure why -- so that wears me out. I have lots to do and no time/incentive/idea (on how) to do it -- so that wears me out.

Does it sound as if my life is spiraling out of control? Don't say yes because that will just wear me out. I think "spiraling out of control" is a little dramatic, but I've got too much going on in my head to be rational right now so I'm prone to exaggeration. I have a mental tic that gets worse when I'm stressed and it's back. I know it's dumb and I think it is an indication of an OCD, but I type what I'm thinking or what people are saying, in my head, when I'm stressed. I've caught myself doing it lately, and shut it off when I remember. Of course it toggles back on again when I'm not conscious of it.

On one hand, I believe it makes me a good typist and a good speller. I'm constantly practicing...

On the other hand, it's freaking annoying and distracting. It's hard to really listen and be in the moment when you're typing. In your head. Like a crazy person...

I also can get songs stuck in my head, or anything that I do too much (lately I've played way too much Angry Birds on my cell phone and ended up dreaming about firing them from the slingshot).

Maybe that will be my resolution for 2011 -- learn how to be in the moment (and still not be crazy). I can't think of anything that will help me more to be a better person, friend, employee than to be able to really listen and remember. Now I just have to figure out how. But since I'm already tired and am clearly suffering from fatigue disease, I'm not going to worry about it now. I think the best action at this time is to relax and do nothing.....and a nap wouldn't hurt.

Fear itself

2010-12-03T20:39:00.000-06:00

I don't know if I've said this before, but I read something recently that said don't make decisions based on fear. That thought stuck with me, and when I was toying with applying for a new position at the university I repeated it to myself (numerous times) so I wouldn't frighten myself out of making a change. I kept thinking of the responsibilities of the other position that were a challenge for me (presentations, travel, learning an entirely new job) and I'd talk myself down with that bit of wisdom. At least I hope it was wisdom.

At any rate, I applied and am now waiting to hear. More difficult than waiting to hear, I'm waiting for the crap to hit the fan in my office. My boss is going to have a stroke, and as I look at what I do for my office, I am convinced he won't have a clue about understanding it and training a new person. I've been working on updating instructions for my various tasks, and fortunately I have a habit of documenting processes and procedures anyway so I've laid a lot of the groundwork.

I'm also concerned about how my boss's boss will react. He and I have a good working relationship, and I'll struggle if he gets mad at me, but I think he'll understand in the long run.

Looks like I'm fearing the unknown here, but at least I'm not letting it stop me. It's entirely possible that I won't get the job or even be considered for it, and my office will not find out. But truthfully it's not probable. I heard from a co-worker (the only one I have told about my decision) that she was asked to be on the search committee. That means my boss was skipped over (so I wouldn't be black-balled), and so was I (so I could apply) because on paper we would be the more obvious choices from our department since we work more closely with the department advertising the position. I don't know who they ended up with, but I'm betting I'll soon find out.

Okay, enough. The weekend is here, I've been sick most of the week, and my plan is to get well. Now!

Slept

2010-11-28T09:08:00.000-06:00

Friday night, after the busy Thanksgiving and then Black Friday shopping was over, I dragged myself up to bed at 8:00 p.m. I fell asleep and didn't get up until nearly 7:00 on Saturday, not even to pee. I was exhausted and apparently needed 11 hours of sleep to catch up. I felt pretty good yesterday but made myself stay up until after 10:00 so I didn't repeat the previous night. This morning I woke up at 6:00 which is still a respectable night's sleep. I think I'm back on track now.

We did some more shopping yesterday and got lots done. I'm not typically an early shopper, so it feels a little weird. I guess this must be what it feels like to be ahead of the game, huh? I did have to stop R from buying more stuff for grandsons last night which would throw off the balance of gifts for the granddaughters. That is the downside to early shopping completion....

I would never object to him purchasing more stuff for me. I'll have to suggest that the next time he gets the urge to purchase.

We have some seriously awesome leftovers at our house right now. Turkey, mashed potatoes, dressing, cranberry and pumpkin breads, sweet potatoes au gratin, and pecan pie. Yesterday I made turkey noodle soup with the broth made from the carcass. It was delish and there is more for later. I dumped the remaining gravy into it at the last minute to give the broth some body and it was perfect. I toyed with stirring in some mashed potatoes too, but the gravy was enough.

R is busy removing all of the lights from our pre-lit artificial tree. We had two sections go out last year and we were SO pissed! The tree is only a couple of years old (I believe this is year three) so Martha Stewart and I will have words if I ever run into her. We could not find the problems in the failed sections so decided to remove and restring. We bought LED lights and we'll just string like normal. If we find ourselves with tons of time and nothing to do (HA!!!) we can permanently string them at some point. He's saving the clips.

He was sitting on a little needlepoint stool that I got from my aunt while he worked. I was making soup and heard a crash. When I checked he was flat on the floor and the stool was sitting on three legs. The fourth leg was off to the side. I bought some wood glue and repaired it this morning. I'm also in the process of repairing a couple of loose backs on the chairs I got from my Mom's house.

Isn't it pretty?

I'd better get dressed and quick goofing the day away. R is working and isn't even complaining that I'm goofing off, and if I was a better person I'd feel pretty guilty about that. I do have lots of laundry to do so I'm heading that way. Ta!

Barkin' dogs again

2010-11-24T19:05:00.000-06:00

Dang, my dogs are barkin' again! I spent the day cooking again and I believe based on this and the last post, it is clear I could not be a professional chef. I couldn't handle standing all day.

I made pumpkin bread, cranberry bread, an apple pie and a pecan pie. The turkey is in the oven now. Last night I made more Chex mix. Tomorrow I'll make the dressing and sweet potatoes, and the family is bringing the rest of what we need.

Both pies boiled over in the oven so the house smells pretty cooked. At least it's a good smoky smell. The smoke alarm actually went off earlier....

We got the table and chairs moved here from my Mom's house last Sunday. We moved our set to her house to be sold when we eventually have the sale. I love having my grandma's set, knowing it was something they used and then we used when we were growing up. It's not fancy at all, but it fits in my unfancy house perfectly.

I'm toying with applying for another position at the university. More money but perhaps some more stress. The biggest stress I'm feeling is upsetting the office where I work now, even though I'd be down the hall. I was asked by the director of the department to apply for the position, which was flattering. I work with this department frequently, so I already know everyone. I need a couple of free days to get my head wrapped around it, and then I'll probably go ahead.

I got a new phone last weekend. It's freakin' awesome and I can do anything I want on it. In fact, I'm sure there's a lot that I can do that I don't know and never will.

My dogs are barkin' and my eyes are slamming shut. When will I ever have downtime? I guess when I die...

Dogs are barkin'

2010-11-20T16:11:00.000-06:00

I'm sitting down and man oh man are my dogs barkin'. I've been standing in the kitchen since last night when I put together the cinnamon rolls and mixed up the soups today. My Mom got moved, my family came for lunch, and now everyone is gone and R is finishing up cleaning the kitchen. We used disposable everything so there are only some large pots to wash and a few other things. I made the cinnamon rolls in my Grandma's roll pan (that's what we always called it) and they rocked. My Mom gave it to me because I always make the cinnamon rolls when we get together. I also made the chicken noodle soup in my Mom's humongous soup pot. I used an entire batch of noodles in the pot, and doubled the recipe. Still plenty of room in the pot. How dang big is that thing anyway? The humongous soup pot is now mine and I treasure it along with the roll pan. They are both beat up and clearly aged, but that's what makes them lovely. I can't even imagine what they looked like new, but they are more beautiful now.

I tried to make it a nostalgic meal that included my version of everyone's comfort foods. I made Irish potato soup (Mom's recipe), some Chex mix (family friend's recipe with my modifications), some pound cake (family friend's recipe), plus my own chicken noodle soup and taco soup and cinnamon rolls. I was thinking that by recreating meals from our past, we could acknowledge that Mom may not be cooking and feeding us all, but the memories of those times are alive and well. And I don't think Mom minded passing the torch.

I'm about to fall asleep. I think I need a snooze so my feet can rest some more. Plus I'm incredibly full and drowsy.....

Refreshed

2010-11-15T19:30:00.000-06:00

I'm recovered, relaxed, and refreshed after my babysitting gig from Wednesday through Sunday. I slept like the dead last night, and even grabbed a nap today. I also caught up R's bookwork, a contract job, laundry, and made some cookies and noodles. I traded one type of busy for another, but my normal type of busy doesn't usually involve running after kids or making dozens of trips up and down stairs in a day. I have evolved to prefer my normal type of busy, but it's good to know I can manage either way.

I wish I had the foresight to schedule a haircut for today, but I didn't. I don't think my hairdresser works Mondays anyway, so I think that's why I didn't worry too much about it. I'm weeks past needing a haircut, and it looks now like I'm growing it out. It's a messy grow out though, and I've been hacking at it a little trying to even it up. I honestly have had no time to get a haircut and it doesn't look to improve any time soon. Oh well.

I've made up the menu for the soups and sides I'm making for the family this Saturday (note the noodles above). R is at the store now getting what I'll need. The day will start with fresh cinnamon rolls and I'll make three types of soup and finish off with a pound cake. My family will be moving my Mom into a retirement apartment and I'll be cooking and hosting a meal afterward. Beats lifting boxes any day. I figure there could be anywhere from 17 to 22 people but it's hard to say. Can't wait to enjoy the leftovers (if there are any)!

Guess that's it. I'm just going to focus now on crocheting a few rows since I all but abandoned my project while I was babysitting. One more thing....if you haven't tried Cold Stone Creamery's dark chocolate hot cocoa mix, you should. It's awesome!

Creature of habit

2010-11-11T22:26:00.000-06:00

Now that I'm out of my element, it is abundantly clear that I am the definition of "creature of habit". I used to think I was pretty flexible but I've become someone whose comfort zone has shrunk to the size of her house.

Most notably, I am missing my bed. More specifically, I miss my bedroom. I guess over the years I've modified it to where it is the most comfortable place for me to sleep in the entire world. I have the light (or lack of it) just the way I want it, the room is extraordinarily quiet, and my bed is contoured to fit me. I was thinking about it today as I "woke up" (truth is I barely slept) in my daughter's house while staying with the grandkids for a few days, and wondered if I would ever be able to move to a different house. I'm serious.

At my daughter's suggestion I have a small fan going to create some white noise to drown out the traffic (there's not that much but I can hear trucks on a highway in the distance) and the aging beagle with sinus issues who sleeps in their room. I'm not a fan of white noise, but we'll see if it's preferable to the other noises.

Gad I'm pathetic.

I also miss my kitchen where I know where things are (who stores a cork screw above the microwave where people under six-feet tall can not possibly find it in a zinfandel emergency?) and it makes sense to me. This is where the inflexibility really comes to light because I know what's intuitive for me in a kitchen but everyone's intuition or even use of that space is different. My way of course is the right way, but I"m willing to allow for differences.

What has been fun besides a full out dose of g-kid cuteness is that I finally am getting some use out of the little notebook we bought for R that I've dragged all over the house here and used just as it should be. I prepped it before I left with updated addresses and such, so I feel like I have what I need with me which is a first.

I also tried to take a soaking bath in their huge jetted tub which is WAY cooler than my old cast iron tub in my tiny bathroom but I couldn't bring myself to get the water high enough to work the jets. I'm too cheap and it just seemed wasteful. Still the bath was good and I'm super relaxed and warmed now.

Now I need to wrap up and get some sleep. Pray the baby is on board with that.