Odd Normal

We are beginning to return to an odd normal around our house now.  The food brought by friends has been eaten, the flowers are beginning to fade, and I began the process of writing thank you notes yesterday.  My dining room is now my second office so half of my table is taken up with paperwork and tasks that I need to handle.  All of my mother's personal files and paperwork sits in a corner of my dining room waiting to be processed and eventually put away or shredded.  I think it will be a long time before that happens.

I wrote to my siblings yesterday about the process of closing the estate and selling her remaining items.  I hope I was clear and I really want this all to go well.  I don't want anyone to end up with hurt feelings or resentment, and my parents set up the trust to minimize the possibility of that happening.  Families can fracture when they are emotional and vulnerable but I think we can work through this.  We are so fortunate that most of Mom's things were distributed by her when she moved out of her house two years ago, so the remaining pieces and mementos are far fewer in number.

One of my brothers is my co-trustee so I am not in this alone.  He has been a good source of information and has also appreciated my input.  My parents' wisdom in choosing the trustees is evident.  He has a lot of knowledge and respect and I am a hard worker who gets things done.  Both of our spouses are supportive but are not the types to interject or interfere.

On more than a few occasions I have thoughts like, "I'll have to see what Mom would think..." or "I need to see if Mom wants to come along...." and then I am abruptly brought back to reality with the realization that she is gone.  I'll wonder about the history of something she gave me and realize that I have no one to ask any longer.  I'm sure she told me lots of things that I have already forgotten.  Dang my crappy memory.

Still, I think of my parents with so much pride and respect that it surprises even me.  I have a lot to do but I have a lot to live up to and I don't want to disappoint anyone, most of all my parents.  I think their faith in me will help me be a better person, which is quite a legacy.