Don't call it a collection

I'm watching a rerun of the Antiques Roadshow series from Philadelphia. There was a ridiculously ugly majolica parrot, all white, that was at least as large as a real parrot but probably larger. It was purchased at a flea market for $50 which in my estimation was $49 too much. I'd have given a buck but only to see the darn thing smashed satisfyingly into thousands of tiny white fragments.

It was appraised at $2,000.

I believe it has been established that I have no sense of value whatsoever. My husband and I laugh that our financial plan is to buy high and sell low, but we also have no concept of what is valuable, what will sell, and what will be the next big thing. We are financial dorks. We don't collect, but if we did it would be all the wrong things. We did survive the beanie baby craze with just a few items from McDonald's, but their acquisition was more a result of my daily Diet Coke trip to the drive up window than a planned assemblage of any sort of a collection. Turns out that was one of our better financial moves.

I like to say that I do not collect things. I have "collections" of things, but I use them. I do not collect in a way that preserves pristine condition, I do not save tags, I remove everything from packaging. I am not careful with my collections, because they serve me no purpose if they have no purpose except to display.

My "collections" include Fiesta Ware. I absolutely do not consider it a collection because they are simply my everyday dishes. I have only a couple of old pieces (both chipped) that were given to me by friends, so most of them have been purchased since I first began using them probably 20 years ago. I could set a table for 20 if I needed to. I have interesting bowls, plates, and other items that do not fall in the category of serving pieces. I love their shape and color, and when we remodeled the kitchen I had two large cabinets installed with glass doors so I could see the colors and shapes. They make me happy.

I also have baskets of all styles, brands, shapes, sizes. I have always loved baskets, possibly because I have always lacked storage in the houses we've lived in. Baskets are very utilitarian and are constructed to serve a purpose. I love utilitarian items and my purpose is to use them. I will admit to having several Longaberger baskets in my collection, but I love their sturdy construction and purpose if not their excessive price. I have acquired some of them through attending parties, I've received a couple as gifts, dug a couple out of my mom's garage, occasionally found them at garage sales or antique stores (which is kind of silly because they are not antiques), and I just use the heck out of them. I've used them to carry around crochet projects, carry pies and casseroles to family dinners, store teabags, and gather items on my nightstand. I get ink on them, spill on them, and have cherry stains on them. They do me no good if they are just for show.

Finally, I have frogs which breaks my rule of having the item serve a purpose. It all began when I was a kid and was at a party with my parents and a tiny little frog hopped into someone's beer. I retrieved it, not because I was concerned about the frog but because I wanted a frog and hadn't been able to catch one. I instantly became the little girl who fished the frog from the beer, a title that lasted much longer than the frog itself. As an adult, I painted a little ceramic frog because it reminded me of that time in my life. Then I received another, bought another, received several. Now I've got a lot of dang frogs. They are mostly small and I have my aesthetic standards (they must be interesting or unusual and not cutesy or kitchy) but I don't have control over what I've been given as a gift. I don't have them all out because that would be silly and would establish it as a collection which I refuse to call it. I've got a couple on my windowsill so I can enjoy them when I do dishes. There are a few in my garden and here and there throughout my house. I don't want to be that weird lady who collects weird things, so I try to temper it and keep it under control. I rarely buy them any more, unless they are really interesting or unusual.

I guess they have some purpose. They make me happy even if they don't serve the meal or carry the casserole. But don't call it a collection or I'll throw a frog at you. I've got lots of ammo.