Eve

Today is Christmas Eve, probably my favorite day of the holiday season.  I love the festive feeling, the music, the "no more procrastinating" time frame, the enjoyment of all things Christmas without worrying it is too soon or too much.  I love the anticipation, the final preparations, and the coziness of being home to do what still needs doing.  I can justify a fire in the fireplace, a cup of hot chocolate with Bailey's in the a.m., and a luxurious stretch on the couch just enjoying the lights on the tree before the sun comes up.

And time to reflect.

R went into the shop today, not expecting to work much but okay with that.  I have wrapping to do, a bit of cooking, but nothing I'm stressing about.  I want to savor a bit first.  I want to reflect.

I've been thinking about my year, and the journey I took to get from my old position to my new one.  Officially the transfer was simple and fairly quick.  I was interim for all of January and appointed officially on February 1.  The actual transfer of duties and knowledge took much, much longer, and in fact is still going on.  I am at a comfort level that is probably at 80 percent of where it should (could) be, where I started at probably 5 or maybe 10 percent.  What I knew would happen, and what was very hard, was knowing there were things I had to do that I just had to figure out on my own.  For much of what I had to do, I had no one to ask and no notes to refer to.  It was all me, baby.  Trial and error, and error, and error.

And I did it.

BUT....in order to do what I had to do, I had to make concessions in other areas of my life.  Looking back at posts this past year, I'm ashamed at how often they focused on me and my work and my stresses.  I was very self-centered and self-focused which is not the twinkly grandma/mother/wife that I would like to be (and probably never was).  R had to dig in and help around here even more than usual.  I was both sad and grateful about that, but he never complained or made me feel bad.  He just smiled and helped while I was gritting my teeth or hunched over a computer.  He hugged me when I was overwhelmed and crying, rubbed my feet and shoulders when I needed a respite from work brain, poured countless glasses of wine, made the lion's share of our meals, shopped, cleaned, and kept the house running.

He worked hard and I got the glory.  He was happy and proud and generous and I was too exhausted to deal.  So this little post is for him.  Thank you, dear husband, for helping me through but never making me feel like your help was anything unusual.  It was extraordinary, as are you, and I am beyond grateful.  There is no way I could have managed without you.  No way, no how.

Thanks for you.