Father comps

I was reminded of something today and I don't know if I'll get it down the same way it struck me but here goes.

We (R and I) were with some friends at lunch one time quite a while back. They're not friends we see often and frankly that's fine. We don't have a lot in common. One of those couples you see because of shared history more than anything else, but you still get the occasional laugh.

Anyway, one of their sons called his dad's cell while we were eating lunch and he had a question for him. He was struggling with trying to figure out how to move something or hook up something. I don't remember. The dad, whom I find to be a pretty obnoxious guy actually, was kind of berating his son in a way that wasn't very helpful. Rather than give him some good advice and ask questions that might have helped solve the problem, the conversation, at least on the end of it that I could hear, sounded more impatient and unhelpful than anything else. The mother, sitting next to the dad, kept reminding him to "be nice" and "just help him" and the conversation on the cell phone went on for a little while, not really improving or resolving. He hung up with a curt "Bye!" and we went on to "enjoy" our lunch.

Later on, it may have even been during the same lunch, my cell phone rang. It was one of our sons who needed to talk to his own dad. I gave the phone to R who expressed delight to hear from him and asked him what he needed (with the inflection more like "How can I help?"). He listened to whatever the request was, visited with him a little, they worked together to solve it, and then the conversation came to a close. As R was ready to hang up, he told him "I love you Man!" and there was obviously an "I love you" on the other end. And that was it.

I sat there, thinking about the two very different interactions between fathers and sons that happened that day. Since I'm only privy to how these things usually go in our family, I couldn't really form a solid opinion. I do know that R is a guy who rarely gets angry, who usually is pleasant, and who always is helpful. I also know he tells his kids he loves them (me too) very easily and comfortably and often. The other dad is really a Type A personality (R is a Type Y or Z I'm pretty sure) so it's not out of character for him to be inpatient or short. He's kind of a guy's guy, with lots of talk of hunting, construction, that kind of stuff. Not really touchy feely and in fact pretty uncomfortable with that concept. So my guess is the conversation with his son was fairly typical.

Later I thanked R for being such a good dad and husband. He had no idea what I was talking about. I explained the way I was struck by the differences in the two cell phone conversations, and he said that maybe the other dad and his son had something else going on with this particular situation that we didn't know about. He was being gracious about it, but I think he kind of noticed it too. He's just too nice to point it out, even to me.

Okay, maybe so. But if we're comparing, I'm SO thankful I've got the guy I've got. I don't care about money, looks, or sheer manliness because none of that matters if he's not a pleasure to be with. That sounds like R doesn't have money, looks or sheer manliness, but that's not true (well, two out of three ain't bad). But what I'm saying is that some things trump others. And a life well-lived, being a good person, helping others, etc., is better than anything that walking around with an attitude may accomplish for you.