Worry wart

We're in official T-giving holiday mode here, now that I've finished up my work week to enjoy an extra day off for good measure.  Kind of like the extra butter I toss into the mashed potatoes.  I mixed up a batch of party mix tonight because I needed something salty to munch on while I'm cooking and hanging out.  Plus the salt keeps me from having to get up to pee in the middle of the night.  I'm sure it's not good for me, but it's an excellent stop gap measure.

I have a breakfast tomorrow morning with some friends from high school that I don't see often.  One of them is in town for the holiday, so it's a good reason to get together.  Another one is a sister-in-law but I don't see her often although she lives in town.  She was a friend in high school and we (R and I) introduced her to R's brother but we haven't really been close since for various reasons.  She's a nice person, a good mother, a good wife to R's brother, but we are different people with different lives.  I've struggled with why we aren't better friends but I think it's one of those things I just had to let go.  Nearly every time I see her (or her husband) there is a comment made about me, or my husband, or my kids, or my cooking skills, (you get the picture) that is just on the edge of being a dig if not an outright shovelful of dirt.  And I have no idea why that happens.  Seriously, I'm clueless.

Because I anticipate it happening, I will often stress about it ahead of time because I am all about worrying in advance. That is absolutely ridiculous but it's my nature and I have to swim upstream to fight it.  However, this time I talked to R about it (not the first time, but still) and decided that my new plan is to change how I feel about it because I am not going to change her.  I came up with the idea to try to take whatever barbs that come my way as compliments rather than put downs, because I truly believe the underlying reason behind them is not to make me feel bad.  I think it's to avoid comparisons, or to level the playing field, or whatever, which she must feel is necessary for some reason.

The biggest challenge will be changing a pattern that's been in place for over 35 years to one that I can manage and that doesn't leave me feeling worse.  It's silly, and I am annoyed that this is even a problem, but old habits die hard.  And she really is a nice person!  Which makes me feel like maybe the problem is me...

Oh crap.  I hope not.

I am not in the best mental place today because I began going over things I'll be taking over when the boss is gone, and it's stressing me out.  I keep thinking of all of the things I do now, all of the things I have to teach someone how to do (when a replacement for me is hired), and all of the things I will be doing that I don't know yet how to do.  That's a lot of uncertainty right there, and a pretty densely packed worry list.  Did I mention that I'm all about worrying in advance?  As if there was any doubt!