Difficult

I am feeling good (and a little guilty) about leaving my old job. I had to work to help train my second replacement last weekend and she was really nice and sharp. She'll be fine. But she sent an e-mail and called today about the difficult employee that I left behind and it made me feel so grateful to be gone (and a little guilty that someone else now has to deal with her).

So this isn't about work. I'm tired of blogging about work. It's about meanness. Angry, hateful behavior. What causes it and why would anyone want to live that way?

I believe we're put on this planet to live our best lives. My version of spirituality is to be a good person, wife, mother, grandmother, friend, and leave the world a better place. I always hoped to raise good children and I think I've done that. We all have our days where we are not at our best and say something hurtful or do something out of anger, but I think the goal for each of us is for the scales to tip heavily towards the kindness and caring spectrum.

I also believe most people think that way. I can't imagine that anyone would not want to because there would be no point in it. But there are, however, those people whose anger becomes a pattern and then becomes a personality and I believe my former co-worker is one of those people.

She's already been difficult and hateful to my replacement who has only been on the job a week. A week! She is extraordinarily impatient and it manifests itself in anger. Does that stem from a need to be perfect? Is her impatience because she wants so badly for everything to go smoothly and quickly and correctly?

I honestly tried not to poison the situation that I knew would arise when I left, but my replacement asked about her after she heard about her from a mutual friend. I advised her to stand her ground and not take the anger and rants personally. I spoke with her today and she said that advice had been very helpful. I hope it was, but I'm also comforted and a little vindicated to know that it wasn't just me who found her difficult.

When we meet and get to know a difficult person, sometimes we develop patterns that allow that tension to remain in the relationship. People learn how to push our buttons and we definitely learn how to push theirs. I took no little pleasure in finding subtle ways to annoy this person who annoyed me so ferociously. That doesn't exactly tip my scales of caring in the right direction does it?

How could I have stopped the cycle? I don't know. I've read that we can't change others, and can only make changes within ourselves. Obviously that is true, but it's hard to change our reactions to what others do to us. It was just easier for me to change jobs. Crazy, huh?

I have challenges at my new job, but I am surrounded by so many more positive people that it is all worthwhile. I was told again today that I am the perfect replacement for my boss whenever he decides to leave. He himself has said he doesn't plan to be where he is now for long, which I guess is five or so years. I love that people recognize what I do and what I have to offer. A co-worker who was on the search committee that hired me told me my resume just shone and stood out among all of the others. Now isn't that a nice thing to hear? It really makes me feel special.

And that is what helps me let the hurt over the anger and bitterness go.