Upbringing

I have a friend at work who I've known for years.  She is one of the nicest, most thoughtful people I know and never fails to remember to inquire about people and events in my life.  I like her a lot and enjoy her company at work, but there is one barrier to our being really close, really good friends.....

...she is prejudiced. 

Most of her bias is racial, but it can also be based on religious or sexual orientation.  And it makes me sad that she is that way because I truly like her.  Does that make me bad?

I was thinking about it when I was showing her an online picture of my son with the physician's group he is joining next week.  She told me how nice he looked and how proud I must be, and then noticed another physician in the picture of Middle Eastern origin.  She commented first on her name and how difficult it must be to pronounce, and then noticed where she received her degree and training.  I could tell where it was going and tried to diffuse it like I usually do.  I mentioned that I had met her and she was a very nice, friendly person.  Then the subject changed and we moved on.

I thought later how she had told me about conversations at her house where comments were made about people who are a little different.  About the type of people her kids could or could not date.  Or when her granddaughter who is just over a year really wanted a "doll of color" over any of the white dolls in the store display.  She talked about how they ended up distracting her in order to get the black doll away because that just "would not go over well" if she brought the doll home.  I then realized how exhausting it must be to have to limit your likes, dislikes, friendships, conversations, and even toys to a single race and type of person.  And then I felt sorry for her.

Like I said I knew her years ago, and spent some time at the home where she grew up.  I knew her parents and siblings.  Racial comments were tossed around like I toss out swear words.  I was appalled then, in my early 20's, because my upbringing was nothing like that.  We were inclusive people, and it "would not go over well" if we behaved any differently.  I never realized how much easier it is to be inclusive and open because I've never had to worry about disappointing or alienating anyone I was related to.

I didn't have to worry about who my kids played with or brought home.  I didn't have to explain or hide anything, and for the most part the people I surround myself with are the same way.  I'm really fortunate and appreciate my parents for making it easy instead of a burden. 

Funny thing.  My personal challenge is to include people of all political persuasions in my life.  I guess that makes me a political bigot at heart.  Ouch -- the truth hurts!