Eggshells

We had lunch with my mother today at her retirement apartment dining room.  It was delicious and there were lots of people to meet.  A really good meal.

We have a family reunion coming up in a couple of weeks, and she is struggling with it.  She recently lost her last two siblings so she is the only one left of her immediately family.  My cousin who is planning the reunion is changing things up a little this year, and it's in a different town, at a different venue, with different events.  My mother doesn't understand why it needed to be changed, and is taking it a little personally.  I'm caught in the middle, and I find it exhausting and stressful.

After we had our lunch we went to her apartment to visit and she became angry about my cousin and how she is handling the reunion preparations.  I made a conscious effort not to feed that anger, but by not joining in the diatribe I was guilty by association.  I pulled out my newly minted skills from the leadership course, and managed to remain calm (on the outside).  I could tell a lot of it was simply venting, but it was still tough.  It was tough to watch her sadness at being the last remaining sibling and tough to watch her anger at the circumstances.  Finally, she told me, as I was trying to smooth things over, to "Just wait until you're a cranky old woman!"  I told her I was already a cranky old woman, and that diffused the situation.  Whew.

It's tough to handle those rough spots, especially since my family is pretty non-confrontational until things come to a head.  I think I did okay but I still feel a little spent emotionally.  I think I have a different relationship with my kids, for good or bad, and I hope it works better for all of us.  My husband is an enormous help and a wonderful sounding board, so my stresses bounce off of him first before they go much further.

I hope that she was able to clear her anxiety a bit by getting it out of her system.  I have a tendency to take on other people's problems so I feel like I've picked up the knapsack so to speak and have carried it around the rest of the day.  I hope I can put it down before too long.  Other people's burdens are heavy.