Why a pug will never live in the White House

The new, young family in the White House has chosen a Portuguese water dog as the First Dog of the land. It came as no surprise to me that they did not choose a pug. It came as no surprise to anyone who has ever owned or been near a pug that they did not choose a pug. And as an owner of two pugs, I am okay with that.

The Portuguese water dog is athletic, trainable, and friendly if the press reports are true. They are respectable and approachable. If they were a person, they would be successful and probably tall. Definitely handsome.

The pug is as unathletic an animal as ever lived. Their exercise routine consists of moving from carpet to chair as the sunlight travels across the room. They are the couch potatoes of the canine world, and would use a remote if only they had thumbs. They will get up for company, annoy them with barking and a snot spray, and then go back to hogging the sofa or the electric lap blanket. If they were a person, they would be your fat, greasy, unemployed brother-in-law living in your basement who eats all of your kettle-cooked chips. And has awful taste in music. That he plays loudly.

I love my pugs. They fit my lifestyle to perfection. But they are NOT presidential in any way. I doubt that a pug has ever set foot in the White House or ever will, although I believe Winston Churchill owned pugs. Which pretty much speaks for itself.

My fawn pug just came up and licked my hand while I was typing. I'm sitting on the couch with my laptop and electric lap blanket while watching sitcoms and looking forward to watching Kathy Griffin's new special.

I think it's pretty clear that I'll never live in the White House either.